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Sorry the Friday Finds are a little late today. I have to admit, I don't have a lot. I spent most of this week away from computer and enjoying a nice long break with my family. Can you blame me? So here's what I got...
 - Winter blahs, already? Check out the Great Wolf Lodge Resorts for a nice little getaway with the kids. There are about 10 in the country and each one has a 78,000 square-foot indoor waterpark. One just opened near us in Mason, Ohio. Hey, any GWL managers out there... I'm willing to come out and write a raving review in exchange for a free stay. Just putting it out there. - I decided to do a little after-Christmas shopping for myself. I ended up returning a lot gifts, including a cross charm my husband gave me that I wasn't entirely crazy about. So I was debating on getting myself the peas in a pod necklace from RedEnvelope or this pearl ring at Overstock.com. I ended up with the ring. Less expensive and I guess I'm still considering having a third child, which means I would need 3 peas in my pod for the necklace. Anyway, what did you get this year? Anything good?
The ladies of WMAG got an early Christmas gift, and the presents just keep on coming!
Reports of our first media mentions have been pouring in. A couple of weeks ago, the McClatchy-Tribune News Service discovered our blog and wrote a glowing review. That review has appeared in the following publications (those with online versions of the article are linked):
News service articles tend to get picked up by all kinds of pubs. If you saw it in your paper, please let us know by commenting below!Here's a little taste of the review: With all the talk of mommy wars pitting working mothers against stay-at-home moms, it's refreshing to find an intelligent discussion of the issues faced by mothers who work.
Thanks, Wendy Zang. We're thrilled to be deemed "a must-click for any woman who's juggling work and family." Let's hope more media outlets come across Working Moms Against Guilt and help us spread our anti-guilt, pro-mom message. Good Morning America, here we come!
To piggyback on Tela’s TV Guilt post, I thought about we’d explore TV for us mommies. In the last few years, storylines around moms have delved deeper in the frustrations and guilt of juggling work with family. What a concept! My fellow WMAG contributors helped me list these new wave of TV moms. If you've know of ones we may have missed, please share.  Lynette Scavo on Desperate Housewives
We first met Lynette as a stay-at-home mom who gave up her career to raise with her four children. Now Lynette’s working again, full-time at an ad agency while her husband Tom stays at home. Alison Dubois on Medium
This psychic mom who sees dead people is a part-time consultant to the district attorney's office. At home her and her husband are raising three young children. They're often in negotiation about child-care issues and making time for themselves as a couple. A single mother with a tumultuous background. She's passionate about her job as a Crime Scene Investigator, but is also raising her young daughter on her own.
 She’s the tough senior resident who recently had a baby. Now she’s trying to prove she can be all-surgeon and all-mommy all the time. Annabeth Chase on Close to HomeThis newly widowed character faces challenges of being a single mother while juggling her job a prosecutor. In one episode, she tries to use a breast pump in a tiny bathroom stall. She’s a divorced mom and owner of a 30-minute workout gym. The “meanie moms” at her son's school mock Christine for having a job.
When the actress Amanda Peet became pregnant the writers decided to go with it—who cares if her character (the president of the NBS network) isn’t married or dating anyone.
Sure we've seen working moms on TV before. For example, Claire Huxtable, Maggie Seaver, Kate and Allie, and Murphy Brown. But today's storylines seem to be more realistic and close-to-home than ever before. Well, except I don't know too many moms who make a part-time career out of seeing dead people... but you know what I mean. Who is your favorite TV mom (past or present)? Working mom or stay-at-home mom?
As Cara wrote earlier, she has a spirited toddler in her daughter, Zoe. With Owen, I have a spirited infant. His moods are mercurial. One minute he’s beaming his two-tooth grin, the next his lower lip is quivering, one minute he’s squealing with delight, the next he’s screaming in frustration. One might say he’s quite like his mommy in his many mood changes, and I can’t say I disagree.
I’ve discovered that there are two things that always calm my spirited baby—the vacuum and the Baby Einstein Baby Beethoven DVD. Most people use a pacifier to calm a fussy infant, I have the vacuum. When I try to give Owen a pacifier, most times he spits it out in pure anger and gets this look on his face as if to say, “How DARE you shove this plastic thing in my mouth!” So when most moms simply pop the pacifier back in their baby's mouth to keep them sleeping or calm their fussiness, I turn on the vacuum. Owen loves the Swiffer Sweep n’ Vac best, but unfortunately its rechargable battery doesn’t last very long. We used to swear by our Kirby, but we actually broke the motor on that vacuum. We even bought a vacuum noise on CD, but our little O-ster can definitely tell the difference between “real” and “canned” vacuum, and “canned” vacuum just will not do.
So, I don’t mind running the one vacuum we have left at all times of the day and night, but when I’m working at home, calling in to a meeting, and O is fussing, running the vacuum in the background just won’t do. So then, I have to resort to the Baby Beethoven DVD. I’ve heard about AAP report that says children under 2 shouldn't watch TV, and it makes me feel guilty when I let O watch his DVD.
But then I looked at the article a little closer.
“babies and toddlers have a critical need for direct interactions with parents and other significant care givers for healthy brain growth and the development of appropriate social, emotional, and cognitive skills,” the policy says. I figure Owen watches about 30 minutes of TV a week, if that. The rest of the time he is either eating, sleeping, or playing (interacting) with mom, dad, or his care givers at daycare. So I’m hoping he is getting the interaction he needs, and I’m not rotting his brain with television. Plus, it’s set to a track of Beethoven music, so it can’t be all bad, right?
I love the Marketplace Work and Family Desk. Driving to work in the morning or driving home at night, I always know I'm about to hear something interesting when I hear Kai Ryssdal introduce a new story by Hillary Wicai.
Last week, she did a piece about how family leave laws have spurred a rise in complaints against employers. You can read the whole transcript here. But the gist of it is that companies are increasingly being sued for unfair treatment of employees who need to balance their work and family lives. Just as they had to scramble to come up with sexual harrassment policies in the 90s, companies now are having to develop policies to deal with complaints of family responsibility discrimination.
Here's why I liked this story so much: It's not just about working mothers and the demands that they place on employers. It's about men and women who have encountered problems as they attempted to balance their jobs with caring for family members both young and old. I've cut and pasted a few exerpts below:
"Take 44-year-old Andrew Barton. When Barton's mom died after a horseback-riding accident, the Bartons asked for two weeks of unpaid leave. They had to care for his dad who was on dialysis because his mom used to do that. The CEO told Barton to take the time he needed. But he fired the couple after just one week. "
"Consuelo Pinto with the Center (for WorkLife Law) says people are now suing for being discriminated against as caregivers and not just on the basis of gender."
And Amy Bess, an employment attorney and employer herself, says, "More men have family obligations in caring for children these days than ever before. But then similarly you have very senior employees in the workplace who are now facing obligations to care for elderly parents."
I like this story because, sometimes, I get a little weary of being viewed by society a "Working Mom!" with a capital W, M Exclamation Point! I like to think that I and many of the women I know come from Working Families where both partners do their best to do great jobs at work and be great caregivers at home.
I also see the way demographics are shifting. More and more people from the Boomer generation soon may have to care for their aging parents. And unless that burden also is going to fall squarely on the shoulders of women, I see a day, not far off, when a lot of men--like Andrew Barton--will be needing flexible schedules in order to fulfill caregiver roles they probably never imagined they would be taking on.
And so I say, family-friendly workplaces for all! I'd love to get to a place where we as a society no longer make work and caregiving just a woman's issue. This story gave me hope that we might be on our way.
I want you to take a good look at your most recent paycheck. Do the numbers look right to you? They shouldn't. Because it's very likely you're missing about 25 percent.
No, it wasn't an accounting error or a bank blunder. It's the fact that the gap between your paycheck and your male counterpart's is not getting smaller. In fact, for those women with four-year college degrees, the gap is actually widening. Sorry to be a Debbie Downer on Christmas Day, but you need to know what's up. Wah-wah.
According to this Dec. 24 article in the New York Times, the gender pay gap has been stagnating since the mid-1990s, after two decades of improvement. Why? Apparently, the reasons are "complicated" (aren't they always?), but they boil down to discrimination and women's choices.
Well-educated women, presumably with high earning potential, are increasingly leaving their jobs to care for their young children. Maybe it's for the joy of being stay-at-home moms, or maybe it's because they can't afford decent daycare. Also, women in high-paying fields such as medicine and law tend to choose lower-paying specialties.
At the same time, employers just plain favor men when it comes to salaries. According to the article:
... the pay gap between men and women who have similar qualifications and work in the same occupation — which economists say is one of the purest measures of gender equality — has barely budged since 1990. Men really raked in the dough during the late '90s (compared to women), but in recent years, women have gained a little headway. We haven't caught up, though. Not by a long shot. We're still only earning 75 cents on The Man's dollar. (Check out these helpful graphs for a more visual explanation.) One economist quoted in the article says there's no proof that discrimination is the reason: "It is possible that the average man, brought up to view himself the main breadwinner, is more committed to his job than the average woman." Whatever, lady. The Times also notes a lack of government efforts to battle sex discrimination in schools and workplaces over the last two decades. When Uncle Sam was pushing for equity in the '60s and '70s, women started being paid more fairly. When Uncle Sam gave up and moved on, our salaries started sucking again. Coincidence? So what do we do about this, fellow working moms--besides get mad? The Times didn't have any suggestions, unfortunately. Any ideas?
Happy holidays, everybody! I hope you're enjoying this time with your families! I sure am! On Friday, I celebrated a day off work by doing what I have been dreaming of doing ever since I first saw my Little One pretending to be a ballerina... I took her to the Nutcracker!
Now, I know two-and-a-half is a little young for a trip to the theater. So I bought tickets for the Friday matinee. I figure anybody who's going to the Nutcracker for serious adult entertainment will go in the evening. Afternoons are more likely to be kiddy time. I also bought seats on the aisle. Little One and I got all dressed up and showed up at Music Hall on time. She made it through the first half beautifully - she danced in her chair, sat on my lap, told me she wanted to go down and dance on the stage.
Then intermission hit, and I bought her a juice box and bag of chips, without considering that we wouldn't be able to take food into the theater for the second half. YOU try taking a juice box and a bag of chips away from a toddler. Yeah. We made it through about five minutes of the second half before I had to whisk her out of the theater. When I went back for our coats, she stuck her head through the balcony railing and almost toppled over the edge.
We were Nutcrackered out!
I admit, I feel a little guilty. I hope my fellow theater goers weren't too put out by Little One. I did my mommy duty by leaving as soon as it became apparent she'd had enough. And I know that taking her to the ballet was more for me than it was for her. But I know she had a good time because she can't stop talking about it now. And I love that I was able to take her, whether she got to see the whole thing or not. It's lovely to have an afternoon off to do these kinds of things with our kids, and truly delicious to take a break from work to celebrate the holidays with our families. I hope you got to enjoy yourself as much as I did.
Yippee, Christmas break is almost here! Check out these Friday Finds, because--let's face it--you're not getting any work done today.
 - Making a dessert for the party? Last Friday, I saw Rachel Ray on Oprah make a Five-Minute Fudge Wreath. It looks easy, so I’m going to try it. Let’s hope my in-laws love it.
- The elves are in Mariemont! If you grew up in Cincinnati, you might remember when Shillito’s downtown (a.k.a Lazurus, a.k.a Macy’s) had the elves workshop. It was by far the coolest holiday display around. I was happy to read in the Enquirer last Sunday that some of the elves are on display at Mariemont Square. Now, we just need to track down the talking reindeer...
- Did you buy someone a gift card? Make sure they use it! According to this article, the National Retail Federation estimates $4.7 billion in gift cards will never be redeemed. Last year the Best Buy Corporation reported $43 million in unused gift card revenue. That’s crazy! If you get an unwanted gift card, check out Gift Card Buy Back or CardAvenue.
- So Jane Jetson didn't turn out to be the mom of the future. In today's world she'd be  divorced from George, working full-time for Mr. Spacely while trying to balance life at home with Elroy, Judy, and Astro (forget about Rosie the robot). Nevertheless, I still have a special place in my heart for the classic Hanna-Berbera cartoon along with Scooby Doo, The Flintstones… and “Captain Ca-a-a-a-veman… and son.” Sadly, Joseph Barbera passed away on Tuesday. Take a walk down memory lane with these best of Hanna-Barbera cartoon intros.
- Holiday confessions--Have you ever re-gifted one of your child’s presents? Oh yeah, I’m guilty. Check out the BabyCenter® 2006 Holiday Survey to find out how parents answered on everything from holiday spending to keeping up traditions.
- What working moms DON'T want for Xmas (sorry, fellas)--I couldn’t help but post this hilarious SNL short featuring Adam Samburg and Justin Timberlake. Be careful, it’s a catchy tune. I have to stop myself from singing the chorus out loud.  - Can my son have any more stuffed animals? I was trying to "find" something clever I could do with them. My first thought was to recreate Flea's pants from the Red Hot Chili Pepper's Higher Ground video. If you have any creative "animal-control" tactics, please share.
A recent post on 4Benders made me think to how I treat my pets now versus how I treated them before I had Owen. Before, my cat, Opie, slept with me every night. If I didn’t have his body curled up next to mine, purring away, it was difficult for me to fall asleep. Despite the fact that my cat “perforated” Jason on two separate occasions (he ran down he length of Jason’s body, claws extended, poking holes in him all the way down), I still insisted he sleep with us. Now, the only time Opie is in our bed is if it’s past 6 am and he climbs in, meowing away, begging to be fed. I don’t know what happened, but he doesn’t come into our bed anymore, and I don’t miss him one bit. And when he comes our bed, asking to be fed, I usually just push him away, where I used to get up and feed him.
And then there is our dog, Cydewayz. Poor Cydez. He used to be the center of our universe. I walked him daily. Played with him. Petted him. Bathed him. Now, he’s lucky to be walked once or twice a week. One day, in a harried rush to get out the door for work, I almost left him outside (not that it would be a terrible thing, he might have liked hanging outside instead of being cooped up indoors, although our neighbors might not have liked it.) Cydez’s over-exuberant attitude that used to be so endearing to me, can now really annoy me when he starts shoving his snout in my face or under my hands as I’m trying to play with Owen. I still love him, just not with the fervor I used to.
And I feel guilty about all of this. I keep thinking once Owen is a little older, he’ll be able to play with Cydewayz and Cydez will get all the attention he craves (which is A LOT, people). They’ll be best friends. And it will be great for everyone. As for Opie, he’s old. I doubt him and Owen will be the best of friends any time soon. That’s OK. Maybe once Owen is off playing with Cydewayz, I’ll take some time out to pet Opie. Then some of this guilt can fade away.
By looking at our Christmas card, you know who I’m talking about. Oh yes, my husband and I were spoiled with the arrival of our first born… sweet, angel-boy Jonah. Rarely a tantrum. Never a handful. Then came along Zoe. Or as we refer to her…“Rotten”, “Crazy-girl”, and my favorite, “Spaz-Zo.” She is what others referred to as "our payback.” So, this past week she’s been more Jekyll-and-Hyde-mannered than usual. In fact, she reached the all-time timeout record. Then I remembered a co-worker told me about a book called Raising Your Spirited Child. When other children are at about a 10, the spirited child is at about an 11. They’re “more of everything”… more energetic, more emotional, more sensitive, more aggressive, etc. Anyway, I found a BabyCenter® article that offers some tips from the book. Here are just a few points that stood out: - First, I need to stop calling her Spaz-Zo. The article says “try not to label” your spirited child. Instead, use positive labels. So maybe I should try calling her “Pizzaz-Zo.” - Reinforce good behavior. I should really improve on rewarding Pizzaz-Zo when she’s good. That way she realizes that good behavior—rather than bad—gets Mommy’s and Daddy’s attention. - Tell her what’s coming. Even though Pizzaz-Zo is still struggling with her words, she definitely understands what we say to her. I should do a better job of keeping her informed on what we’re doing next. Maybe this will help prevent meltdowns when it’s time to eat or time to leave the park. I might try to get this book and read it over my Christmas break. If you’re a parent of a spirited child, I would appreciate any other tips. Have a great holiday!
When my husband took his job, he was told it would entail a lot of travel--about 50 percent of the year. Though he had some misgivings about being away from home so much, he accepted. It's a great company, good pay, and it was his best offer right out of grad school. We've been lucky, though, that so far he hasn't had to go anywhere for any real length of time.
Then he got the opportunity to work in a city-north-of-us-that-shall-remain-nameless-- for 100 percent of the year. We wouldn't move, but he would commute every week and spend three nights away from home. He was all set to go if his company got the job. We told ourselves we would make it work. But I could see how guilty he felt about being away from our daughter that much. And it made me want to write a little shout-out to the guilt-ridden working dads out there.
I know it's most often the moms who are responsible for child rearing, and so it's most often them who end up feeling guilty for having or chosing to work. But I know a lot of dads who would love to spend more time with their children, too--dads who also would benefit from more flexible work schedules, paternity leave, etc. While more and more companies are putting the needs of working moms on their radar, I wonder how many also are thinking about fathers. My husband's company was accommodating of his concerns, and he knew going into this new job what it would entail. But in general, I think employers just assume men won't have any issues around things such as childcare. And I think that does everybody a disservice. Go beyond the warm fuzzies of a daddy who doesn't want to miss tucking his baby in at night and consider that ignoring fathers continues to put the burden for child rearing squarely on the mother, which leads to more guilt for her as she tries to juggle it all.
My husband learned last week that he does not have to go to that northerly city. But there will be other jobs that take him away from his little girl for long stretches. We will deal with it--we made that commitment when he decided to go to work for this particular company. Still, I hate to see him feeling so conflicted. When I work in the office, I only miss a few hours of our daughter's life. He will miss entire days. Talk about guilt!
Can I tell you how excited I am that tomorrow (Wednesday) is my last day of work before my six-day Christmas vacation begins? It will be the longest chunk of time I've spent at home with my family since I came back to work from maternity leave in August.
If you see the little cutie pictured at left, I think you'll get some idea of how much I have to look forward to.
I feel like a kid in school, literally watching the clock tick by until the bell rings and it's Christmas vacation. "WOOHOO!" Homer Simpson might whoop. (In fact, I'd like to apologize in advance to any coworkers I annoy tomorrow in meetings when I ask, "Is Wednesday over yet? How 'bout now? Now?")
What's really nice about this vacation is that I don't have to go anywhere. We're staying in town this year (don't feel like hauling across the country with a 7-month-old in tow) and making memories (for us, anyway) of our daughter's first Christmas. Taking Cassie to the Festival of Lights at the Cincinnati Zoo. Getting her first haircut. Visiting with my friend Meg who's home from New York. Watching my family open their presents. Aw hell, opening my own presents! Watching Badder Santa (the unrated version--it's not that bad), It's a Wonderful Life, and A Charlie Brown Christmas all in a row. Eating those chocolate-covered bourbon-soaked maraschino cherries that my Great-Aunt Grace makes every year (they can get you drunk if you eat enough of them--seriously!)
As you've probably gathered, I plan to completely leave behind my working mom status for a few days, and just relish the other part of my life. Guilt, be gone!
A few weeks ago, I wrote about the Top 5 Sites for Online Holiday Deals. Since then, I realized I left out a sixth deal that's perfect for holiday savings--but also can help you save throughout the year. It's Upromise.
If you haven't heard of Upromise, let me sum it up for you: Save money for your children's education (or your own) by making purchases through Upromise vendors and partners. You sign up online for free, registering your grocery store shopper cards and credit/debit cards. You also can register other people's cards, if they'll let you. I have both my Kroger and Bigg's shopper cards registered, plus my husband's and my debit cards.
Then, you start shopping. For grocery items, you can earn 1% to 5% of your purchase of Upromise brands (e.g., Tylenol, Coca-Cola, One A Day, Enfamil, Huggies, Tide, and Lysol). If you buy a $20 bottle of detergent, for instance, you earn 60 cents toward college savings. I haven't saved a ton through grocery purchases, because many of my favorite brands don't happen to be Upromise ones. (Pampers, ThermaCare, and Pepsi Jazz, why can't you be on the list?!)
But I've done quite well with my online shopping, earning anywhere from 1% to 25% per purchase, through Upromise partners. For example, I just ordered some flowers through FTD.com and saved $5.50. The trick is to use Upromise as your shopping hub. You have to click from Upromise.com out to any of the retailers' sites in order to make your purchase count. Or make it easy on yourself and get the Upromise toolbar, which alerts you if you're on a Upromise site and automatically assigns savings to your account.
All the big online retailers participate in Upromise: Wal-Mart, Target, JCPenney, Best Buy, Hallmark, L.L. Bean, and lots more. Plus, many partners offer additional deals for Upromise members, such as free shipping or an extra discount. During the holidays, you can find even more online Upromise deals than usual. All the while, you're plunking more dollars and cents into your kids' virtual piggy bank.
Other ways to save via Upromise include getting a Citi Upromise credit card; eating at Upromise restaurants; and participating in the Upromise school fundraising program.
All these savings are automatically deposited into a non-interest-bearing Upromise account, which can be linked to a 529 college savings account. (What's a 529, you ask? Find out from the Motley Fool, my favorite financial website.) Periodically, Upromise transfers the funds into your 529, and voila--you get a nice, easy boost to your educational funding.
Happy last-minute holiday shopping--and, I hope, saving for the future.
 Trying to think of the perfect Christmas gift for your favorite working mom? Or have you been too busy to make a list for yourselves, ladies?
Lucky for you, I made this list--with the help of fellow working moms at my company and on the rockin' BabyCenter Working Moms message board--and checked it twice. Now it's time for you to be nice. Show the working mom in your life how much she's appreciated! (Moms: Feel free to forward this link to your partners, parents, etc.)
- Homemade meal-prep service, such as My Girlfriend's Kitchen and Dream Dinners
- Babysitting for a day of shopping, ladies' night out, or even an overnight trip/break
- Day spa gift certificate (see Spa Finder or check your local listings)
- iPod (classic, nano, or shuffle)
- One-year subscription to Working Mother magazine
- Personal chef--for a day, a week, or longer! (Find a chef.)
- Satellite radio for those long commutes (check out XM and Sirius)
- Concierge services (grocery shopping, errands, housesitting, coordinating maid service, etc.), such as My Girl Friday
- Housecleaning service, such as Merry Maids and The Cleaning Authority (or get a reference from friends/family)
- Remote car starter, such as the Directed Valet and the Pyle Remote Start System
- Gift certificate to her favorite clothing store (non-mom-ish clothes, only)
- Subscription to Netflix for unlimited movie rentals (order online, get and return 'em by mail)
- Starbucks gift card for coffee and goodies on the go
- Personal digital assistant plus accessories (Treo, Blackberry, etc.)
- Robotic vacuum or mop (a.k.a., Roomba and Scooba)
- The perfect purse (check out this one and this one)
- Jewelry commemorating the mother/child relationship (see RedEnvelope and Amazon.com for ideas)
- A peaceful retreat from the chaos--whether that's a day with the house to herself, or a week at a luxurious resort. Get ideas from the Conde Nast Traveler Gold List of the best places to stay in the world.
As a special bonus, here's another wish list--not necessarily realistic (or even possible!), but dream-worthy gifts nonetheless: - Ability to expand and contract the space/time continuum to fit mom's needs
- Electric sex
- To be magically skinny again
- Kids who don't fight
- A cool new car
- Bigger, nicer house
- A 100% raise (or at least more than the cost-of-living increase!)
Do you have suggestions to add to either of these lists? Post them in the comments section. Meantime, I'll update as I discover more of what working moms want.
 Until I can get my thoughts together to tell you about my guilt-overload incident last night, here are some Friday Finds. Enjoy.
- Spread the ta-ta love this season! A friend of mine had a T-shirt that said “love life. love your ta-tas.” You can find ta-ta clothing and accessories at save the ta-tas™. Five percent of sales are donated to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation.
- A Pop Candy interview with Danielle Friedland who turned her blog into a full-time job. She now employs seven people to write for the Celebrity Baby Blog, a blog totally dedicated to the lives and happenings of celebrity babies.
- Thanks to Tela for finding Scared of Santa pictures. Or as Jonah calls him, "that Christmas guy."
- Although many moms have told me about Craigslist, I’ve never really gotten into it. But, I did find the Best-of-Craigslist quite entertaining.
So today was the first day of my work-at-home part-time schedule. My new work schedule is very similar to some of my other co-workers (including Sara and Cara of this very blog!), where I still work 30 hours a week. I work M-W in the office, Thursday at home, and I have Friday off.
The first day of working from home was an interesting one. My dreams of Owen kicking and rolling on the ground beside me, cooing and entertaining himself while I worked at my desk didn't quite come true.
The day was half over, and I felt like I ran a marathon. Between calling in to meetings, returning emails, writing concepts, feeding, changing, and putting O down for naps (plus, letting out my crazy dog 3289423 times), I felt myself counting down the hours until 5 o'clock, so I could log off from work and finally get to actually spend time with Owen. Since I logged on at 8 am to start my "work" part of my work day, when 4:30 rolled around I got down on the floor to roll around with my son. We got to spend a few hours together playing before his bedtime, instead of riding in a car home from work and daycare. And for those blissful two hours, it was worth it.
When I was a little girl back in the late '70s/early '8os, my mom stayed home with us and my dad went to work. That's how it was for most of my friends, too, so I didn't think much of it.
When my mom went to work part-time once I started first grade, I didn't think much of that, either. I had a few friends whose moms worked, and it seemed fine to me. Kids usually accept the world as they know it.
So I wasn't too surprised to hear about some new research showing that most kids think it's cool for Mommy to work or stay home--but they tend to have negative stereotypes of Daddy taking care of them. This is according to a study by University of Maryland researchers, as reported today by ABC News in "Mommy Wars: A New Chapter." (The story's title annoys me, because it really has nothing to do with mommies being at war. But whatever. It's TV news.)
On one hand, I'm thrilled to know most kids don't think badly of moms for going to work, or automatically expect them to stay home full-time. That bodes well for my relationship with my daughter. It also gives me hope for the little girls of today who won't be saddled with quite as much guilt when they grow up to be the working moms of tomorrow.
But it's disheartening to hear that children think daddies don't make good caregivers. I think this negative stereotype can be attributed to what they know. While more fathers stay home with their children now than they did when I was growing up, it's still fairly uncommon. Also, the media and our culture often reinforce the notion that mommies are born nurturers and daddies are dummies when it comes to running a household and raising children.
Personally, I am immensely grateful and happy that my husband chooses to care for our daughter while working full-time out of our home. (You read that right. Full-time!) It's not easy, but he manages it with lots of patience, love, and creativity.
Not only does this situation make me feel 1,000 times better as a working mom (knowing she's in the hands of someone who loves her as much as I do)--it also helps Cassie see how Daddy can care for her just as well as Mama can. She'll grow up with a broader view of caregiving roles and a more open perspective on how to be a good parent.
What do your kids think of fathers as primary caregivers? I'd love to hear about the conversations this research sparks in your home. If you get a chance, post your thoughts here.
Imagine a workplace where your performance is judged solely on your output--not the hours you log in. A place where, as long as you get the work done (and done well), you can come in when you want, leave when you feel like it, and make your "office" wherever you choose. It's not Office Space Heaven. It's Best Buy headquarters in Minneapolis.
BusinessWeek devoted its Dec. 11 cover story, "Smashing the Clock," to Best Buy's "radical reshaping of the workplace." The article talks about the company's successful efforts to transform from a 1930s-style assembly-line mentality to a new way of working called ROWE: Results-Only Work Environment. As soon as I read this article, I thought, "Yes! This is so, so right!" Pretty much exactly what I've always wanted in a job.
My favorite part of the article is a picture of happy, satisfied, productive employees (moms included) living their lives guilt-free and doing their jobs:
There are no schedules. No mandatory meetings. No impression-management hustles. Work is no longer a place where you go, but something you do. It's O.K. to take conference calls while you hunt, collaborate from your lakeside cabin, or log on after dinner so you can spend the afternoon with your kid.
The story explains how the concept of ROWE originated as a "covert guerilla action that spread virally and eventually became a revolution." By two HR guys, no less! That blew my freakin' mind. Anyhow, what helped sell the idea--other than the fact that the employees who tried it loved it--was that it actually worked.
Yeah, that's right, old-school Bill Lumberghs of the world. Turnover plummeted. Productivity and employee engagement soared. That's why all 4,000 corporate staffers will be on ROWE by the end of 2007. The company is even looking at ways to bring ROWE to Best Buy retail stores. How's that for revolutionary? I'm not sure how they're going to make it happen, but I'm all for trying.
So if all this sounds as awesome to you as it does to me, do something about it! Start a revolution in your own workplace. And if that doesn't pan out, click to see if Best Buy is hiring.
I thought it would be fun to start Friday Finds. What's that? Fun or interesting finds on the web.
--Elf Yourself. My kids loved seeing themselves as elves.
--Two of my favorite things: the 80s and TV commercials.
--If you're crafty, here's a cute holiday gift for teachers.
Have a good weekend!
How much do you spend on groceries per month? Looking over past credit card bills our grocery expenses in 2006 were between $500 and $800 per month. It’s shocking.
I didn’t think I was that careless with spending. I shopped at a grocery store that claimed to have the lowest prices in town. I would look for sale items and buy only the items we really needed. There was one thing I didn’t do—clip coupons.
Then in August, a friend told me about The Grocery Game. The Grocery Game claims it can help you save hundreds of dollars a month on groceries. It’s an online database that tracks manufacturers’ coupons along with the grocery store’s weekly sales and specials.
To play The Grocery Game, you have to clip coupons from your Sunday’s paper. Each Tuesday a new list is posted on the website, telling you which items are the best deals to buy. So for example, Orville Redenbacher popcorn is on the list…
The original price: $2.99
The sale price: 3/$5 (or $1.67 each)
Manufacturer’s coupon from the 12/3 insert: 50 cents (it gets doubled up to $1)
Total price for popcorn: 67 cents (that’s 78% off the original price)
Sometimes items end up being free. It’s pretty cool!
In my area, you can get a list for Meijer and Kroger. The list isn’t free. It costs $10 every 8 weeks. They offer a 4 week trial period for only $1.
So am I saving hundreds? I’m getting there. The first few weeks, I didn’t notice a grand drop in grocery expenses. But now, I’m happy to report our grocery bills are getting under control. Last month’s bill totaled $400. I may be paying $10 for the membership and $8.88 a month for the Sunday newspaper. But I think it’s worth it.
I'm from Northeastern Ohio. The snow belt. Every winter snow poured from the skies. It's not uncommon to have a layer of the white stuff covering the ground from December to March. So I have experience with snow. And I have experience driving in it.
When I moved to Cincinnati and realized traffic slowed to a snail's pace at the first sign of rain, let alone snow, I grew increasingly frustrated with other drivers on the road whenever the weather wasn't dry and sunny. "GO!" I'd mutter as I rocked back and forth in the seat of my car. (Was I thinking I could somehow propel cars forward if I rocked my body hard enough? Who knows?) "It's SNOW/RAIN falling from the sky--not kittens," I thought, "No need to drive so slow!"
Then I had Owen. Then I had the drive to work this morning in the snow. With Owen in the car. I was no longer pounding my hand against the wheel, agitated I couldn't will traffic to move forward. Driving at a snail's pace was fine with me. I'd get to work when I got to work. I now have precious cargo on board. And nothing is going to jeopardize that. Not snow, kittens, or careless drivers.
On a fairly regular basis, somebody releases a study saying it's in companies' best interests to help out working parents. Monday, while on my way to check out preschools, I heard this tidbit on NPR's "Marketplace Morning Report." (Transcript follows)
BOB MOON: If you're a parent, you worry. That's your job. But it's also interfering with your other job: putting food on the table. Now there's a report that warns that's costing American businesses. From the Work and Family Desk, Hillary Wicai reports.
HILLARY WICAI: A new survey of employees at several Fortune 100 companies shows working parents of kids in grades 6-12 especially stress about the safety and reliability of the after-school arrangements they've made for their kids. Brandeis University and the research organization Catalyst cite estimates that workplace stress can cost U.S. companies $50 to $300 billion each year. Nancy Carter is with Catalyst.
NANCY CARTER: This is a source of worker lost productivity that organizations can directly impact and they can do it in ways that are not costly to the company. One way is for companies to give employees more control over their work schedule. Another is to encourage managers to be more understanding.
Hmmm... Flexibility! Understanding managers! Where have we heard about those before? What I especially like about this report is that it talks about working "parents." Because working dads worry, too. Sometimes I think, instead of just heaping it all on working moms, we should shift the national discussion to working families--dads included. But that's a topic for another post...
I love to see how women who are highly successful in their chosen professions handle their working motherhood.
That's why I enjoyed Mommy Track'd's Q&A with Tamsin Smith, the president of Product (RED)--Bono's effort to raise awareness and money for women and children affected by HIV/AIDS in Africa. Formerly the head of Government Affairs for Gap Inc., Smith now runs this very cool convergence of philanthropy and commerce. She also is a single mother of a 5-year-old and 2-year-old.
Here's my favorite quote from her Q&A:
Guilt is, in my experience, a destructive thing. I want my children to feel proud of their lives. I want them to use the blessings they have to do good things for their own families and for others. Privilege is a privilege and I hope to teach my kids the power of using it wisely. Read the full article for her thoughts on sharing custody, traveling for work, the "Mommy Wars," and more.
It's only human to want to connect with others like you. There's something deeply comforting about swapping similar stories, empathizing with each other's woes, and sharing helpful solutions when we can. Because being a working mom is such a life-altering and constantly challenging experience, I highly recommend getting together with other working moms. It really helps.
That's why Cara, Sara, Tela, and I started this blog. We can virtually connect with each other and working moms against guilt all over the world.
But I also wanted to do some real-life, in-person networking, so I started a working moms lunch group at my office. I started out with an open invitation to all moms at my company. About 10 of us met for the first time last week, and plan to continue meeting monthly for lunch and discussion.
At our initial meeting, we introduced ourselves and our individual work/family situations. It amazed me how each mom carefully and uniquely coordinates her life, from her job to her children's daycare. Working moms have to employ a lot of creativity and savviness to make their lives work! I'm looking forward to getting to know and help each other in the months to come.
If you want to network with other working moms, you don't have to do it at the office. You might find them at your church, playgroup, school, etc. A lot of moms are hooking up via Meetup.com (a site that "helps people find others who share their interest or cause, and form lasting, influential, local community groups that regularly meet face-to-face").
You can search by your zip code or interest (such as "moms" or "working women"). Don't see a group in your area? Why not start one? Get some inspiration from this Dec. 3 article in the Poughkeepsie Journal about local working mothers finding sympathy and support in each other.
Do you have an official or unofficial group of working moms that you network with? I'd love to hear about your experiences. Please post 'em here.
If you've ever needed to take time off from work to have a baby or care for a family member, you're probably familiar with the Family & Medical Leave Act. It's the federal law (passed in 1993) that grants eligible employees up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave per year for birth, adoption, or serious health conditions (your own or a family member's).
Apparently, the U.S. Labor Department is currently seeking public comment about the law. (Thanks to MomsRising for bringing this to my attention!) Why does the government want the public's 2 cents on the FMLA? "We've realized we need some fresh information and fresh thinking on the issues that have developed over nearly a dozen years since the regulations were implemented," according to the department's Nov. 30 news release. It sounds a little odd ... possibly fishy. Is the Bush adminstration looking to weaken this important law to help big business? What are they up to? In any case, working moms should speak up. Let's use this as an opportunity to strengthen the FMLA. Tell the Labor Department how this law has helped you--and better yet, how it could be improved. Email your comments to Richard M. Brennan, Senior Regulatory Officer, Wage and Hour Division, Employment Standards Administration, U.S. Department of Labor. Or snail-mail him at: Room S-3502 200 Constitution Avenue, N.W. Washington, D.C. 20210 Deadline for comments is 5 p.m., February 2, 2007.
One day driving to work, I was daydreaming of other careers. I wondered what it would be like if I was a hairdresser or a nurse? Both these careers seem to offer decent pay and the option to work part-time or full-time.
This got me thinking about my daughter, Zoe. She’s not even 2-years old, but already I’m wondering what she’ll be when she grows up. I want her to go after her dreams whether she wants to be a lawyer, a big business executive… or by the looks of her "don't-mess-with-me" face in this picture, a G.L.O.W. (Glorious Lady of Wrestling.)
Yep, Zoe can grow up and be whatever her little heart desires. But, should I foreworn her if she also wants to be a mother? Or suggest she acquire other skills that give her more flexible options in her career. “You know, Zoe… you’ve always had nice hair and an ear for gossip. How about a career in hair design?” Hey, the hefty family member discount would be pretty sweet.
Growing up, my mom was always a working mom. She’s a nurse who has worked both part-time and full-time schedules. Her hours have always been flexible. When she was home, she wasn’t distracted with work issues. When she left the hospital, her work was done. She made being a working-mom seem easy. I’m sure it always wasn’t. But, she never let me know. Especially, when I was the age to start wondering what I wanted to be when I grew up.
In my college years, I dreamed of becoming a big-time marketing executive. I also dreamed of having a family. In my mind, I was going to have it all—big career, big happy family.
Well, I’m not that big-time marketing executive. I followed a different career path. I’m a copywriter for an ad agency. It’s a career I love. The drawback? Sometimes when I leave the office, I’m still working--whether it’s responding to emails from home, thinking of that next big idea, or working extra hours to meet a deadline. It interrupts my time that I should be spending with my kids and my husband. That’s what gets me thinking about those other careers again.
Do I think working-mom hairdressers and nurses have it easy? Absolutely not. I’m sure they share the same gripes and feelings of guilt as any other working mom. It’s the “punch-in, punch-out” aspect that makes me envious at times.
When Zoe starts thinking about college and a career, I hope to share some working-mom wisdom with her. No, I won’t force her to go to beauty school. I will support her dreams. Just like my mom supported me.
I'm a big-picture kind of person. When I have to focus on details - in my job, for example - I'm fine. When trying to get myself and a child out the door in the morning... no. I can handle three, maybe four details. The rest? Pffft.
Case in point: this mornng. I got my daughter to the sitter's with breakfast in her tummy, clothing on her back, diapers in her supply bag, and a smile on her face. At the sitter's I realized I had not brushed her hair, despite bringing a brush into the kitchen for that very purpose. Her little curls were all matted and will probably look even worse when I pick her up this evening.
I got to work and looked over at my passenger seat to see her sippy, still filled with juice, sitting there looking lonely. Then I got out of the car to find I had forgotten my own coat. The temperature dropped 30 degrees since I entered the office. I'm going to be in bad shape at the end of the day.
Do any other working moms (or moms in general, for that matter) ever feel like they're holding on by their fingernails? I see children who are well-coiffed and moms who look cool and collected everywhere. I know moms who never miss a birthday card when sometimes it's all I can do to send an email. I tell myself it's all because I'm not very good with details, but it would sure help if I could blame it, just a little bit, on the whole working mom thing.
How 'bout it, ladies?
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