Once in a while, we get a question from a WMAG reader that seems like it would be best answered by the community at large (i.e., all you working moms out there who have such a vast array of collective experience and wisdom). So I’m throwing this one your way, and I hope you’ll come through with some helpful advice.
Marty is a new mom of an 8-week-old. She’s also a training director and travels one to four nights a week for work. She’ll be hitting the road soon for the first time since her 3rd trimester. Do you have any advice for her?
I’ll start things off. Marty, you can expect to miss that little baby like crazy. If you feel your heart physically hurting while you’re away on a trip, that is normal. Just make sure your baby is in the best possible care when you can’t be there, and then remind yourself of that frequently when you start feeling bad. Remember, wee little infants don’t know that Mom is on a business trip — they just want to be fed, changed and loved by a caregiver. So you’re the only one feeling bad. Baby will be just fine! And eventually, so will you. Just look forward to those precious moments when you’re with the baby, and savor them whenever you can.
Also, here’s a link to Marty’s blog if you’d like to follow along with her new-mom journey. And please leave your answers and thoughts for Marty in the comments below. Thanks!
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Give yourself permission to enjoy and even look forward to complete nights of sleep and long showers. You'll be better rested and have immense to love on little one when you return.
Not sure if you're pumping but if so, figure out if the hotel has a fridge you can use and what your airline's rules are about transporting milk. Or be prepared to pump and dump.
Also there is a weird misconception that babies will not remember you when you return. I remember a co-worker freaking out before a trip saying "My baby won't remember me!" she will totally remember you when you will return. Lots of cuddling and no problems at all once you return.
Jensational,
You hit the nail on the head! My baby forgetting me is exactly what my worst fear is and I'm the one who put it in my head. It's strange, I know, but that fear is so strong because she's so young, and I wonder how she can remember so much so soon. But, I'm going to jump right in starting next week with a 2-night trip and hope for the best.
Hi Marty
I don't have kids yet but my DH and I plan to try soon. I am concerned about all of these things! I recently wrote a blog post about it, after doing some research and bugging all of my friends (http://bit.ly/6sBwWF). The main tips I got are to do as much prep as you can ahead of time (getting bottles ready, etc), take pics of baby with you that you can look at when you miss her, and try to plan a pumping schedule before you go if you need to. Good luck! Can't wait to read about your journey.
Road Warriorette
Guilt sometimes tells us things need to be adjusted in our lives. I traveled a lot when my daughter was small, and now that I have two, I travel a few times a year. I sought opportunities to fine tune how long I was away from home based on how much I could tolerate. I found my gut knew how long being away was too long. I know we can't always snap our fingers and change jobs, but if you want something bad enough, if it is important enough, you will make it happen.
I think something that has given me pause lately is when our pediatrician was arrested this year. I began to ask myself as a mother how much I truly knew the support network I had in place when I travel. I adore my daycare, I trust my sitters and family that help out, but in the end they aren't me.
I am not trying to scare you or say you shouldn't travel. You'll find a balance that you are comfortable with.
I love getting away and doing business and having time to recenter. I love seeing new places and gathering energy from my coworkers. But whenever an especially long trip comes up, or a few in a row, I get that feeling in my heart that I know I need to find another way- a webmeeting, a teleconference, combining trips, or just plain passing up the project despite the potential backlash.
Things aren't the same when I am gone. That's OK in small doses. And I know they are well cared for. But I don't want to look back and realize that I managed my kids instead of really engaging with them. I'm coming off of a period of managing them, and working hard to find my way back.
Good luck!
I think when babies are really little they don't actually grasp the concept of time passing nor do they understand that you still exist when they can't see you. So she doesn't see it as abandonment when you put her to sleep at night and she won't realize that you're gone for longer than one night anyway because of the whole "can't understand time passing" thing.
I had to travel for 5 days in the fall and my son is older but when I got home he gave me a big smile and a hug and looked me right in the face and said "Dada!" which wasn't 100% correct (I'm the mama) but still, all was good.
Marty-
I feel so connected to you, I work in training at a large corporation and have a 3 month old named Ella! Like you, I am totally overwhelmed with travel, a very busy job, and being the best mom I can be. I have no advice for you, but wanted you to know someone else is in the same boat and hasn't sunk yet!
Thanks everyone for your wonderful advice and comments. I love WMAG readers. You are so generous and empathetic!