Then, I started watching YouTube videos, which often is how I unwind at the end of a stressful day. I started out with some demos of these really fascinating Japanese candies. Not sure how I stumbled on those, but they were mesmerizing.

And then, I hit the motherlode of Tasty Tuesday-esque Mommy Guilt: Videos of people assembling bento boxes.

If you haven’t heard of the bento box, it’s basically a Japanese lunch box. Japanese moms pack bento boxes for their children each day, and let me just say that a PB&J, apple and bag of chips would NOT cut it. Apparently, it is a requirement for bento boxes to be adorable and artistic and ABSOLUTELY AWESOME. I’m talking rice molded into the shapes of panda bears with carefully cut out eyes, bows and other cute features, vegetables cut to resemble flowers and other aesthetically pleasing shapes, and on and on. This video shows you how to make a Hello Kitty bento box. The tiny pieces and attention to detail are absolutely amazing.

I would LOVE to try something like this. I think I would probably fail miserably at it.

And I feel a little guilty that our culture doesn’t embrace more of this kind of thing. I remember hearing an NPR piece awhile back in which an American woman opined that packing bento boxes each day encourages parents to slow down and put a little more love into the food they serve, while encouraging kids to engage more with their food rather than just shoving it down like so many of us do.

Of course, I know I could do bento boxes if I really wanted to. In fact, I’m tempted to make that a project this coming school year. I don’t even want to think about how early I’d have to get up to do it, or how late I’d have to stay up if I chose to make them the night before. If I do try it, I’ll document my efforts here. And if you’ve tried it (or you routinely make adorable bento boxes for your kids), please give me some tips!

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Sara

A co-founder of Working Moms Against Guilt, Sara Bennett Wealer is an author, copywriter and mother of two. Her debut novel for young adults, RIVAL, was released by HarperTeen.

Our daughter, at a mere 10 months, was just came down with Pneumonia. This means all sorts of new things she hates. First is an antibiotic that she literally tries to spit out. Then there’s her old arch nemesis the nasal aspirator and saline solution.

But the newest, and cruelest device torturing her is the nebulizer. My god does this kid hate the nebulizer. We had our first treatment at the pediatrician’s office – which meant the entire office of patients, parents, and staff got to hear my daughter scream her brains out at level 11. It was a full blown meltdown. She sweated so much her clothes and hair were completely soaked through. She looked like someone dumped a bucket of water on her. And as I sat there, literally wrestling her down and holding this mask to her face her eyes locked with mine and that look from her sweet little sobbing face just broke my heart. She can’t understand that I’m not trying to hurt her, I’m trying, desperately, to make her better. She can’t understand that my extreme and unyielding love for her makes this so much more horrible for me than it is for her.

I also had the added bonus of getting to walk out with my angry, sweaty, red-faced and still crying child, so the entire office could see that the kid losing her poo-poo was mine. I was the mean mommy on parade.

As one of the newer moms on the block, this mean mommy guilt is new to me. The feeling that you’re doing your very best but it’s being met with anger and frustration from your little person is such a helpless and thankless feeling. I know one thing – I’m going to need to toughen up and get some thicker skin or I’ll never survive the toddler years.

So how do you deal with mean mommy guilt? How do you cope when doing what’s right and what’s best for them makes your little one upset?

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Stephanie Tsales

Stephanie splits her time between a full-time gig in higher education, lots of crazy hobbies, and her family: husband Mr. Handsome, their new daughter Peachy, and a rescue pug named Meatball.

As many of you remember, we heralded summer with our first-ever live event, a Google Hangout with Christine Fonseca, author of THE GIRL GUIDE: FINDING YOUR PLACE IN A MIXED-UP WORLD. Technical difficulties aside, it was a great time. Christine gave us all sorts of great advice, from helping daughters deal with drama among friends to finding work-life balance, since she’s a working mom, too.

We hope you’ll enjoy watching the hangout, AND take advantage of a chance to share a copy of THE GIRL GUIDE with your daughter. Leave a comment giving us your best piece of advice for a girl trying to find her place in the world. At 10 p.m. Tuesday June 18, we’ll do a random drawing from all of the comments for a free copy of Christine’s book. So share away!

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Sara

A co-founder of Working Moms Against Guilt, Sara Bennett Wealer is an author, copywriter and mother of two. Her debut novel for young adults, RIVAL, was released by HarperTeen.

Guest Post by Joline Godfrey

One outcome of the 2008 economic meltdown was that moms (and dads) began to think about how to help their kids acquire enough financial literacy so that they would not make some of the mistakes that swept through homes in the years leading up to the housing crash. Suddenly terms like “FICO scores,” “subprime,” “interest rates,” “penalty fees,” and others were part of a language everyone needed to know, not just bankers playing with funny money.

By 2009, allowances were making a serious comeback; piggy bank sales were up, and some families instituted family meetings or at least conversation about the family budget. Lots of families reordered the things that were important to them (often not things at all, but the relationships they have with one another).  But as family members lost jobs, cut back on expenses, or just became more vigilant about all things economic, one refrain I often heard, still, was and remains this:

“I am so stressed, busy, and overwhelmed—now I have to teach my kid to be financially literate? I have don’t get most of what’s going on myself, so how am I going to help prepare them? What can I do?”

I first published Raising Financially Fit Kids in 2003. Feedback about the book at that time was contradictory: “We love it—it’s so helpful to have financial tasks broken down by age and stage of what to do when with my kids. But, there’s SO MUCH—can I really do all this?” Parents nailed the problem with the book at that time: I had packed 20+ years of experience into each chapter, providing so many ways of teaching kids about money that, though valuable, it was overwhelming to most parents.

A no-guilt approach

But it was this feedback that caused me design the “drip, drip, drip” approach that has liberated parents from the guilt of feeling that they are not doing enough  and provided an easy way for moms and dads to develop their own financial fluency, alongside their kids. In the new edition of the book, released on June 4, I describe this approach (p. 27).

Few families have an extra hour or two a day to offer financial education. And even if they did, most children would rebel strenuously! But “drip, drip, drip” is a steady, ongoing process. A word here, a teachable moment there—it’s just a mindful, intentional approach to developing a child’s financial consciousness and skill set over time.

The new edition spells this out in a much more parent-friendly way, emphasizing a few basic principles:

• You don’t have to be a financial expert to raise financially thoughtful kids. Learning beside them is just as effective, sometimes moreso as it models an intention to learning.
• Living your financial values is essential. If the family doesn’t have an active habit of saving, children will not internalize saving for themselves.  Again, modeling the values and behavior you want to see in your children is key.
• Financial education is not just about the money. It’s about raising great kids. Families who focus on core values (saving for a rainy day; sharing; living within one’s means, etc.) tend to raise great kids who—oh by the way—also have good financial habits!

Rethinking “allowance”

The other thing that has helped liberate parents is an unconventional approach to the allowance—or Allowance 2.0 as I call it. In this approach, the allowance is not a salary (payment for chores or good behavior) or an entitlement; rather, it’s a practice tool, a vehicle that gives kids a way to practice financial skills.

The allowance is a little like a clarinet or a tennis racquet. That is—you don’t hand a kid a musical instrument or sports equipment and think they know what they’re doing right away. You provide instruction; coaching; and practice, practice, practice! Most allowances are simple spending plans (you give a kid some money and hope they will learn how to use it well while also setting aside money for giving and saving).

But these spending plans are often confusing for children and parents alike. They rarely take the problems of cash flow into account, for example–and they do little to teach kids about balancing a budget.

Allowance 2.0 is a more realistic approach to a balance sheet for children—and it’s as manageable for an 8 year old as a 12 or 18 (or 28!) year old, and over time (drip, drip, drip) it helps kids acquire skills and habits that will serve a lifetime. Allowance 2.0 makes the invisible allowance every child gets now (what you spend when you buy a snack, treat them to a new game, or pay for that new bicycle helmet) and makes it transparent.

Thinking about money

When kids understand the expenses of their lives—and have a voice in those expenditures—they become more thoughtful over time. And children who can see a budget laid out for a month (for 10 year olds); a year (for kids 12 and over) and maybe 2-3 years (for teens 16+), are able to make choices in line with their values: “Do I really want to spend x amount of money on those new sneakers, or do I want to have a little more money available to travel, or give birthday gifts for friends, or to support the local animal shelter?”

And when kids are making better financial choices, parents relax—life is less fraught with financial tension in households where the family is aligned in financial values and action. Taking the “Drip, drip, drip” approach to financal education and using  Allowance 2.0 are, I think, two of the more useful strategies shared in this new edition of the book, and, of course, there are many, many others. I’m always happy to hear from parents who have stories to tell, or reactions to the ideas in the book—so please share your experiences and stories with me!

Startup summer camp

And BTW, for parents of teens, take a look at Camp Start-Up this year—this 12-day residential program teaches teens how to create a business plan and how to invest. We’re partnering with Kiva this summer for our Silicon Valley based camp. This program is as relevant to the budding rock star as to the next Mark Zuckerberg, to the aspiring actor and the young person with a quest to change the world!

JOLINE GODFREY has been a pioneer in the field of financial education since 1990. Today she is one of the country’s foremost experts on kids, families, and money. Godfrey is founder and CEO of Independent Means, Inc., a leading provider of financial education for families. Recognized in features for the Today show, Oprah, Fortune, BusinessWeek, and the New York Times, Godfrey is a frequent speaker and consult-ant worldwide. She lives in Ojai, California. Visit www.independentmeans.com and follow her blog at www.independentmeans.com/imi/category/joline

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Susan

Susan Wenner Jackson is a writer and mom who gets paid to obsess over Pinterest and blogs for Ahalogy, a Cincinnati-based startup. She lives in her hometown of West Chester, Ohio, with her husband, two young children, and their dog.

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The other day I took a dress to an alterations shop to have it hemmed. As I got ready to leave, I caught a glimpse of myself in the shop’s full-length mirror in natural daylight, quite different from the light in my tiny bedroom at home. And I discovered that the skirt I was wearing–the skirt I wore ALL LAST SUMMER–was completely see-through!

Of course I was humiliated. But my bigger reaction was irritation that my husband hadn’t noticed and clued me in long, long ago, before the entire world got a look at my thighs and crotch. Then I realized: a good female friend would have told me right away that I was wearing the equivalent of a chiffon veil around my waist. That’s when it hit me that I am not spending enough time with other women.

I do have female friends, I just don’t hang out with them that often. Between work, kids, writing novels and trying to keep the daily operations of my household going, I have a tendency to isolate myself to just my inner circle: husband, children, co-workers, sitters, neighbors. I’ve always been somewhat introverted–I crave social contact only occasionally and am perfectly happy with my own company.

Except when I’m not.

Lately I’ve been feeling down. Not depressed, really, just weary of the grind and stress of getting through each day. My husband sympathizes, but he’s got his own work and family stuff on his mind. Plus, we sometimes are the source of each other’s stress and irritation. What I really need, it’s clear, is time with some other women to share and chat and maybe drink margaritas.

So… I’m spending this weekend at a friend’s house for a writer’s retreat and a good catching up since she and I haven’t connected in months. Then I’m going to dinner next week with another friend I haven’t seen in awhile. And I need to do better about planning girls’ nights out, going to things like book club, and basically staying connected to my female buddies. Emotionally, I feel that need. Practically, I know I need it if I want to have any hope of getting through this summer without another fashion faux pas!

Do you have a story about how much you love/appreciate/need your girlfriends? Tell us about it!

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Sara

A co-founder of Working Moms Against Guilt, Sara Bennett Wealer is an author, copywriter and mother of two. Her debut novel for young adults, RIVAL, was released by HarperTeen.

Well, WMAG moms, take heart: you can get a better maternity leave than what your employer offers.

Max Your Maternity Leave by Pat Katepoo reveals little-known strategies for getting extra weeks off, some with full or partial pay. (Sound familiar? Pat has contributed a few guest posts to this blog, including tips for going part-time and keeping track of your successes for better pay.)

It’s a proposal template and negotiation guide that, since 2003, has equipped thousands of women in the US to upgrade their maternity leave.

And it’s free at Amazon’s Kindle Store for a limited time: June 4 through June 6.

Grab your copy now. Or tell all your pregnant working girlfriends about it ASAP. This one’s worth sharing.

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Susan

Susan Wenner Jackson is a writer and mom who gets paid to obsess over Pinterest and blogs for Ahalogy, a Cincinnati-based startup. She lives in her hometown of West Chester, Ohio, with her husband, two young children, and their dog.

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THE GIRL GUIDE is a practical handbook that walks tween and teen girls through a journey to discover their “authentic selves” and, in so doing, figure out how to deal with common challenges such as bullying, schoolwork overload and relationships with parents. Every other page features a chart, a journaling exercise, or some other way for the reader to work through her thoughts, feelings and possible strategies when faced with confusing emotions, situations and choices.

I like how methodical this book is. It encourages girls to step back and take a logical approach to challenges. Perspective and restraint are missing from many adult dramas, let alone the kinds of landmines that young girls are facing. I really appreciate how THE GIRL GUIDE breaks everything down, giving girls the tools to make mature decisions based on what they truly think, know and feel, rather than on impulses that come up in the heat of a moment.

Girls who already enjoy writing things down, solving problems and exploring their inner selves will love THE GIRL GUIDE. Girls who take a more “skim the surface” approach to life may need someone to encourage them to stick with the book and focus on the various exercises. If you or your daughter has read THE GIRL GUIDE, tell me what you thought!

And join us tomorrow at 7 p.m. EST – we’ll be posting the link to the Hangout right here. Hope you can come!

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Sara

A co-founder of Working Moms Against Guilt, Sara Bennett Wealer is an author, copywriter and mother of two. Her debut novel for young adults, RIVAL, was released by HarperTeen.

What does mom do when she is sick? Or rather, what doesn’t she do to take care of herself?

For any mom, working or not, this is a real issue. We don’t just get to leave our jobs, take our kids with us to the Dr for hours, go to bed on time or for hours in the middle of the day, eat right, etc. As moms we are often the last to be taken care of.

I don’t know about you but my kids do not care if I am sick. If I were oozing blood they might be slightly grossed out, but would otherwise ignore it. Because they are kids. It is their job to ignore everything but themselves as they learn who they are in this world. Yes, it is important to teach compassion, but we can only expect so much out of little ones. Yeah yeah yeah. I know. We should be the first to take care of ourselves because no one else will. Great advice… now what’s reality?

Since my sweet twins have been born I have had very little time for self care and my body still has not recovered from back to back pregnancies, one with multiples. And this last round of being sick has really been a beating. Not because I’m that sick, but because the way my children need me right now is more physically demanding than it was before. Read: 95 lbs of kids want you to pick them up at the same time. So what do you do when no one but mommy will do for the kids? I went to my go-to place for mom advice and asked my mommy friends on Facebook what they do when they are sick.

Here’s what my Mommy Friends had to say:

• “TV. Lots of TV.  Something I SWORE I would never do. You gotta do what you gotta do.”
• “I sat the Girls (they were 2 or 3 at the time) on the couch with a package of saltine crackers one evening then went to bed to wait for daddy to get home . . .”
•  ”When I was pregnant and sick I got him a snack, milk,and juice, turned on a movie and then hide under a blanket on the couch for a nap.”
•  ”I would get my mother to help me when I got sick. Mom knows best.”
•  ”I thought mommies were not allowed to get sick!! No one told me. I had a cardiac pacemaker implant and that night I was rocking my 11 month old to sleep because daddy said, ‘…the baby ONLY will sleep for you.’ “
•  ”Now she is old enough to give me an ice-pack for my head.”

From the WMAG Contributor crew:

• Sara “This is going to sound bad, but… I don’t let myself get sick. I mean, I do get sick, but I power through, which isn’t good for me or anybody. The biggest tip I can offer is to be honest with your husband/partner (if you have one) about needing time for yourself. I don’t do that enough, and then things build up and I get depressed and resentful and sick, and then I explode. I’m trying to be more “selfish” these days.”

• Susan “Personally, I’m not the poster child for great self-care. I know I should do it, and I know it’s important, but I’m kind of like you — I wait until things get pretty bad before I take serious action. A few things I pretty much insist on (for myself):7-8 hours a sleep MOST nights, annual OBGYN and dental checkups, time to myself on weekends (even if it’s while folding laundry — just to be alone and watch a TV show I love), take daily meds to control hypertension (which I’ve had since age 22), and regular pedicures. I think each woman has to decide what really matters to her health and self-care, and FIGHT to maintain it.” Read how Susan dealt with Life Under Quarantine

But my favorite piece of advice came from my Dr:

“Go home while your kids are at school. If you died tomorrow your job would have you replaced within a week.”  Gee, thanks doc! But it’s true, isn’t it?

So what do I do? I let my husband know to expect that he needs to help me more, call mom if I REALLY need help (I try not to abuse it), do TV, but I also power through. Because that is what we have to do sometimes. And I don’t do the extras. Dinner is easy, dishes wait, laundry waits, and baths may not happen. And I make sure I see a doctor before it gets too bad because I have learned what ignoring signs of trouble can do. What do you do when you are sick?

Want more about caring for yourself? Check out our other posts about Health & Self-Care

http://www.workingmomsagainstguilt.com/2013/04/when-mom-needs-help/

http://www.workingmomsagainstguilt.com/2013/02/healthy-motivation-on-tap/

http://www.workingmomsagainstguilt.com/2012/05/shortcuts-to-healthy-eating-family-style/

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Casey

COO/Copywriter at CLP Ent

Casey is a copywriter/COO in the Dallas Fort Worth area. She is married with 3 young children. She hopes to inform and entertain through honesty and humor.

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Stephanie Tsales

Stephanie splits her time between a full-time gig in higher education, lots of crazy hobbies, and her family: husband Mr. Handsome, their new daughter Peachy, and a rescue pug named Meatball.

In all reality, who actually knows the perfect way to get to where we want to go?  Who knows the ‘secret’ to a ‘perfect life’? (whatever ‘perfect’ means)…nobody really knows.  We all find our own way through life, we may get to the same place or maybe we don’t, either way, since we are different people, we get there on different paths at different times, right?  So, I ask you, what book can our teenage daughters get such simple, honest and straight-forward advice for their personal inward journey? …

Christine Fonseca has answered this question with her book The Girl Guide Finding Your Place in a Mixed-Up World. She gives our girls the skills to guide themselves where they want to go.  Fonesca effortlessly imparts the tips to our teenage girls, without telling them what to do, or how exactly to execute their goals and dreams in order for them to make their own path, and lead themselves.

My 15 year old daughter and I read this book together in preparation for our Working Moms Against Guilt Google hangout with Fonseca on June 1st (this coming Saturday – Yeah!).  Not only did reading this help us prepare for the hangout (haha), but also provided my daughter, and even me, with ways to lead the life we want, as well as how to accomplish and focus on what my daughter dreams of.

Let me first say, the advice and direction could not have been more geared toward teenage girls … meaning, there was no confusion in who the information was for.  Fonesca made it very obvious and easy in the way she gives tips, how they can execute the new knowledge, but she also gave a little lee-way to do our own thing and in our own way.  Fonesca gave us a system that we could adapt and manage at our own pace, time, and consistency.  I loved that she didn’t say ‘this is what you have to do specifically’, instead she gave us hints on how to do it because there really is no exact formula for a ‘perfect’ life (whatever that may be).  There is no one-way or the highway.  And even if there were, most people would pick the highway anyway….don’t you think?

In Robert Frost’s poem, “The Road Not Taken”, he wrote, “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference”.  Personally I believe that being your own person is one of the perks of life, becoming yourself, choosing for yourself, yet the responsibility that comes with it can be overwhelmingly stressful, but definitely amazing.  My point is that one of the things I deeply admire about Fonesca and her book is not only that she lets the reader choose her own path, but also encourages our daughters to be their own person and experience [life] for themselves.  In one of my favorite chapters, “Team Me”, Fonesca quotes Rev. Mona Chicks in a ‘Note to self” titled “Just Be You”. Chicks explains, “It’ll take a long time to recover if you lose yourself now.  Don’t compare yourself to others….Find your dream and live it!” (pg 57).

Can’t wait to ‘hangout’ with all of you on June 1^st.  The fun starts at 7 p.m. Get more info, and a link to the Hangout on Saturday night right here. See you there!

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AngelaA

Angela, originally from Cincinnati, Ohio, has lived in sunny Southern California since she was 4 years old. Besides studying English in college, Angela has ghostwritten several projects over the last five years. She is now the mother of two wonderful (don’t we all think our kids are totally wonderful?) kids, ages 15 and 2. Connect with Angela: Facebook LinkedIn angwmag@gmail.com