The dreaded “H” word – Help

To many women it is an “ugly” word, a word that makes them feel:

 

• small
• weak
• incapable
• less-than…
• exposed
• imperfect
• vulnerable
• dependent

They believe that saying this word will bring the end of their “I have it all together” facade. That uttering the H word will expose all of their shortcomings to the world and make others gossip and judge them…

This dreaded word is short and useful and must exist in every language know to mankind:

H E L P, HELP, Help, help.

It is one of those miracle words that can feel so intimidating and scary “before” you actually use it.

It’s emergency form: “HHEEEELLLPP!” Definitely carries urgency, fear and a sense of threat. Understandably we want to stay away from this one….

But it’s more matter of factual form: “Could you please help me?” has something magical to it.

It makes you human and accessible

You are a human being with primal needs and limited time. Just like all of us mothers! When you ask for help to your friends, to the moms at school, to your family you are actually “showing” them that you face similar challenges as them and/or that you trust them to be a source of support. And that makes you “normal”.

Of course there is a risk of having some saying “of course she needs help?” but these people will always find something, so don’t sweat….

 

It makes you perfectly imperfect

This is a big one for working moms… You want to be great at home and great at work, which you can absolutely be. But for some reason you end of confusing great and perfect. Perfect is not a thing, it does not exist.

So identify what you can delegate – ask for help & know that know you have more time to be great at the other stuff.

If you are the kind of person who needs things to be a very specific way, “Perfect” can become be the enemy of “help”. You can’t ask for help, not because you don’t need it, because the helper won’t do “it” right….

If that’s you, ask yourself, what is the worst thing that can happen if “it” is not just right.. That will help you choose the “it”.

 

It helps people know how they get be of service to you

This one is especially great with your husband and kids. Don’t expect them to know.

Ask them nicely. “Mommy needs your help” (can you tell I have little ones).

But it works with older kids too. I have 2 stepchildren and they love feeling useful.

 

It turns children into self-sufficient individuals

Asking your kids to help you, makes it easier for them to do things.

My kids have certain chores that are theirs only: setting the table, emptying the dishwasher, cleaning up the mudroom, etc.

But I still ask them to help me with many other chores.

My 5 years old doesn’t seem to mind the mess – I do. So I ask her to help me by picking up all the toys so I can vacuum.

And because they are helping me & I shower them with thank yous and kisses they don’t mind.

My 9 years old can cook a couple of things almost by herself, my 5 years old knows how to clean a bathroom (better than her dad), my 3 years old helps me make my bed.

 

 It can most surely and directly create a deep and strong connection between two moms than most words

“Please, help me.” – When another moms says those words to you, you don’t need much details – you know where she is coming from.

But when you speak the words – you are going a step further…

 

Try it. Ask your kids, ask one working mom and one more person (friend, partner, family) to help you with something next week. Make something up if you can’t think of anyting… and feel the magic.