There’s no need to pretend otherwise. Infertility sucks.
Especially during the holidays.
Maybe you’ve been trying for a baby for years, and it still hasn’t happened. You’ve envisioned what Christmas would be like with a baby. The cute little red and green outfits. First picture with Santa. Your arms are empty without that baby, and your family doesn’t feel complete. Ugh, it may feel superficial, but you really just want to be able to send out one of those adorable Christmas cards like all your friends are doing with their babies. Except you can’t. You haven’t been able to get pregnant. You are so tired of trying, emotionally. Sick of doctors. Sick of questions. It hurts.
To this lady, I’d say “don’t give up.” Just like Christmas, this time of infertility is a season in your life. It will pass, and I hope for you that you get your heart’s desire soon.
Infertility is a season
I believe there is a reason for everything. I believe everything happens at the time it is meant to happen. I realize others may not share my beliefs, and that’s OK. We all have different perspectives. This happens to be mine. When you’re a woman going through a season of infertility, life changes as you know it. You question things. You get angry, sad, frustrated. Emotional. And I believe all those feelings are normal considering the roller coaster you live on during a season of infertility.
While the ride may last longer for some people, at some point that roller coaster has to slow down and eventually stop. That may be when you discover the joy of getting pregnant. Or you decide to pursue another path like adoption. Each person is unique and can be affected by infertility differently.
You’re going to have bad days. Especially when you hear women who have children, with no complications, complaining about their kids. What you wouldn’t give to have her problems, right? Or there will be days when it seems everyone around you is getting pregnant and you long so badly to be able to have your own baby shower, or announce that you’re expecting. Shop for cute baby clothes. Decorate a baby room. Then there’s the woman who is preggers, complaining about how exhausted she is. You would love to be exhausted physically, right? When will it be your turn? Will you ever get a turn? What if you freaking don’t get a turn?
Maybe you’re questioning your purpose in life. As in women were made to procreate, except you cannot. So, where do you go from there. Right?
It’s the most loss of control feeling ever.
You can’t always control infertility, and most days, it feels like it’s controlling you.
If you’re going through infertility, my heart truly goes out to you. I’ve walked that path. I just wanted one person who got it. Truly got it. I know what you’re going through, so stay strong, sister. You may feel weak, but trust me, this is making you into a stronger woman. So strong that one day your husband and future children will look at you and say, “Damn, mom, how’d you get to be so tough?”
The adversity of infertility, that’s how.
Pursue your dream with a vigor like you’ve never known, ethically and legally, of course. But go after it fiercely. In the meantime, I know it’s hard, especially during the holidays when maybe you just don’t feel like talking about it anymore. But know you aren’t alone. According to the CDC, 1.5 million women in the U.S. experience infertility. That just plain sucks, and maybe you’re still questioning why it had to happen to you. Again, know it’s a season. A tough, draining, difficult season, but it will pass. And you will be stronger and with a special perspective on motherhood.
While you are waiting to reach the beautiful side of your infertility journey, I leave you with some songs that may resonate with your season.
Thought You’d Be Here by Wes King
In The Waiting by Shannon Wexelberg
Our Hope Endures by Natalie Grant
Praise You In This Storm by Casting Crowns