
When it came time to go back to work, I gave the evolution very little thought. To quote the singer-songwriter Rhett Miller: “This is what I do. For a living – this is what I do.” My whole life I’ve been a work-horse and have always found great satisfaction and passion in my career. So how could returning to it be that hard? Everyone warned me the first couple of days were difficult, so I came back preparing for the worst.
And you know what? Those first few days were surprisingly easy. Everyone told me how great I looked (last time they saw me I could have be mistaken for a double-wide trailer) and how cute my kid is (that never gets old). I was wearing something other than yoga pants and I didn’t smell like spoiled milk. And shoes…for the first time in months I was wearing shoes! I had a cup of coffee I could drink whenever I wanted, adults I could talk to all day about adult stuff, and I wasn’t getting spit-up on. It was awesome!
But a few weeks in the allure of a quiet cup of coffee ended and the realization that I was leaving my child, my bear cub, every day…indefinitely…struck me. And by struck me I mean mowed me over. I felt like my world was crumbling. I knew from my maternity leave that being at home was not for me, it wasn’t enough for me. I craved the sense of self-worth I get from working, the thrill of solving work-related problems, the challenge of leading others.
But being back at work and away from Peachy left me feeling empty, vacant, deeply alone. Simply put: Being at work was stomping on my heart, but being at home wasn’t fulfilling enough for me. So what the heck was I supposed to do?
Well – here’s a combination of advice I got that was genuine and real and helpful, things I learned the hard way, and some stuff I wish someone would have told me. Here’s hoping it helps you or someone you know make the evolution to working mom with grace and confidence.
Be patient with yourself.
I wanted to walk back in the door as the firecracker that I was pre-kid. And that is profoundly unrealistic. You won’t be the employee you once were – and that’s OK. Sure – you’re not the first one in the office and the last one to leave anymore – but you’re a better leader, coworker, and employee now because you’re a mom. Your multitasking skills have gone through the roof. Your compassion and empathy are higher than ever before. And don’t even get me started on your time management skills! It might take you a few weeks to realize your new attributes, and it might take your employer a few weeks to recognize the value that the new-you brings to the table. Expecting to walk into work the same person you were when you left is the professional equivalent of expecting to wear your pre-pregnancy jeans out of the hospital after having the baby. Ain’t gonna happen.
Don’t make any big decisions.
Be kind to yourself.
The path you are on is not easy and you will need supporters to be successful. And the first supporter in line needs to be you! Don’t worry about what’s not getting done, what you wish you could do, what others have done. Don’t get caught up with the game of trying to compare yourself to other working moms. Find at least one positive thing in each day: (I wore shoes all day…I got out of the house in under 2 hours…). But overall be kind to yourself. Don’t allow yourself to flood your head or your heart with negative thoughts. “If your compassion does not include yourself it is incomplete.” Buddah
Know someone will say something stupid.
It’s inevitable: Just like someone said something stupid when you were pregnant, or right after you had the baby, or in your early post-partum months. Opinions are like Someecards on Facebook…everyone has them and they feel compelled to share them. I got a lot of “well it’s too bad you have to go to work” and a bit of “so—have you figured out how long you’re going to work” (like it’s a phase, or a rash, or a bad perm that will eventually go away). Brace yourself—it’s coming—and find the humor in it. Sometimes you have to laugh or you’ll cry your eyes out.
It’s not as glamorous as you remember it.
I look back on my time at home with the Peach and remember the one time I slept with her warm little body snuggled on my chest. I remember the day I met a friend for lunch and Peachy slept through the whole meal—giving me some much needed mommy time. I remember that one three hour nap where I got so much accomplished around the house. But somehow I’ve forgotten about the day I left her screaming in her crib for a few minutes while I cried in the bathroom—literally having to work up the courage to face my child again. Sometimes we’ll have a great weekend where naps all go as planned, no diapers are blown out, and the smiles outweigh the cries and I’ll think “Gosh, I miss out on this every day.” But the reality is during the course of any given day she’s cranky, overtired, spitting up, pooping out of things, teething, and generally frustrated. It’s not all snuggles and ladies who lunch—being home all day is a different form of work.
Like I said, I’m still working through the transition. Some weeks are better than others. But most weeks I try to focus less on the fact that I’m burning the candle at both ends, and and more on just trying to enjoy the brilliant light.
What did I miss? What helped you make the transition back to work from maternity leave?
Thank you for writing this! My LO is 18 weeks (so I have been working for 6 weeks). Everything you wrote is true, especially about the “glamour” of staying home.
Very well said! My boys are 6 and 3 and still have a hard time leaving them some days!
Great piece!!!! When I went back to work I was so happy to have a “real” conversation and wear “real” clothes…and then reality set in that I had to juggle four different hats all at once. I am glad with my decision but some days are harder than others. I think your last piece of advice rings really true for me. It is all about balance and knowing that each side has its own struggles and wins!
I don’t think you missed anything. But as a mom of more years, I can say that it gets easier. You develop expectations of your time at work, and at home. You find what balance works best for you. And eventually, you really look forward to Mondays at work after a long weekend of quality time 🙂
Thanks for sharing this Stephanie! Check out Care.com’s article about work after maternity leave: http://www.care.com/child-care-should-you-go-back-to-work-5-factors-to-consider-post-baby-p1017-q21288629.html
Make sure you have new clothing instead of your maternity clothing!
http://www.fashionsyourway.com
Love it! I really needed to hear this today. I am struggling with my second week back to work post-baby. I hope it gets easier!
It absolutely does get easier Laura! Hang in there and be kind to yourself.
Thank you so much for sharing, Stephanie! Second week back to work after staying home one-year with my baby, I literally cried my eyes out in the bathroom tonight. Just don’t think I am capable of doing my job (which I love) anymore. Thanks for the advice!
Rblair082@gmail.com
Wow Lisa, I’m in the exact boat you were in!! My second day back to work at the hospital (crazy shifts lined up for the month) after a year off with my daughter and I’ve been a crying mess since I got home, it’s now almost 11 at night! I can’t sleep because of the anxiety that has set in after the realization I’m leaving my baby after being by her side 20 hours a day. The guilt is overwhelming and it makes me question if I’m capable of not only returning to work, but doing my job as well. Can’t wait until this stage passes, it sucks!
I was a working single mom with a 2yr old and I went back to grad school. I was very lucky because my school program was available online so I could a lot of the work while my son was asleep. There were times when I thought there is no way I can do all of this, but I did. I think my biggest challenge was learning that not everything could get 100% of my attention 100% of the time. I always tried to remember that my son was the most important thing and then everything else got a time managed after him. Great information -thank you for the insight and sharing!!!
Glad to know there are other women out there struggling with working. I go back to work in two days, and it is killing me. I had no idea it was going to be this hard leaving the baby.
Ok I’m down to two days left! Struggling! My baby is now ten weeks…..how did your return go. Any advice?
WOW! I needed this today. My baby is almost 5 months now so I have been back to work for about 2 months. I struggle EVERYDAY with the guilt. It seems to consume me at times, like today. I just need to feel like I am not alone. this is all normal right??? Words of wisdom please?
Becca – it’s completely normal. I feel guilty when I’m at work and not with my baby – but when I’m with her I feel guilty too…wondering if I’m neglecting work. Be kind to yourself and remember you’re doing a great job as an employee and as a mom!
Thanks for sharing this. My daughter is 5 months and I’m starting a new job in a month. I’ve been thinking a lot about leaving baby to work and it’s really hurting me. I hope when the day come, it won’t be worst than now.
I just read this…thank you for posting. I go back to work tomorrow (my son is 11 weeks old). This was just what I needed to read 🙂
Great article ..made me cry actually at some point. I am going back to work next week. I was very fortunate to be able to stay with my baby for a over a year. The thought of going back just makes me so sad.
I have 5 weeks left of maternity leave and already am emotional at leaving my lo. I am an older mum having built up a career I am passionate about but aside from struggling with guilt of having to leave lo, I am apprehensive of how I will manage. My work place is not notoriously supportive of working mums, the few who are there work late and there seems to be a culture of inflexibility. I want to work my 830-5 and finish up anything urgent at home but even leaving at 5 (still nursing so want to hit that 6pm feed) seems a big ask. How to stop feeling guilty and just walk out the door on time?
Hi! I was wondering how things went for you. Like you I had 12 years to build up a career and to be rtecognized in my small industry. I love being with my daughter, and like the author wrote – it is wonderful but not all glamour. So I feel like I want and need to go back, it feel total guilt for leaving. Her with anyone but me… I don’t have any family around, so it will have to be a daycare or nanny…
just wanted to know how you and the author are feeling now that you have a few years of perspective. Thank you to all the moms posting and sharing their experiences!
Hi Mags,
I just wanted to know how the return to work went? I go back next Wednesday and start my daughter in daycare. I’m an absolute wreck… The thought of it is actually crippling to me. I have so much guilt leaving her and guilt with feelings I have toward my husband. Before baby arrived there were conversations about me possibly not having to return to work and now there is just no other choice. I’m in medical sales and my first two days back next week will already be terribly long because I have dinners in locations over an hour away from my home. Any advice is greatly appreciated and I hope your transition wasn’t too difficult!
I’m due to go back to work in 3 weeks (lo is 9 weeks) and really don’t want to. My job has been making me irritable and unhappy this year and I love being home with the baby, including all of the unglamorous parts! I’m also craving a real break from work as I’ve still been on several calls, email, etc during my leave. Problem is, my boss pretty much begged me to stay and I’m in a high level position where I feel I would be letting employees down if I don’t return, plus potentially discouraging the company from putting other women of my age in similar positions (maybe I’m flattering myself too much though!). My boss is being flexible and is happy for me to work 2-3 days a week for the first 3 months. Financially, I’m the main breadwinner but we would be able to survive fine on the hubby’s salary plus savings, although we’ll have to tone down spending quite a bit.
I’m tempted to quit now but I think the sensible thing is to give it a go part time. Has anyone been in a similar situation? It’s a war between guilt about leaving the baby and guilt about disappointing everyone at work…
I am completely in the same boat! I go back 4 days a week starting Aug 5th. I have the double guilt and I am mulling over the part time option or changing jobs altogether. Do share how it goes and what you do!
I’ll definitely let you know how it goes – feeling a bit more positive about working as I’ve found a good in-home nanny (my part-time maid who raised 4 children and regularly babysits for young kids offered to do it) and I’m planning to have baby and nanny come into the office / on business trips with me every so often.
Hope your first week back is going well!
Well, I went back……. Took my babe with me a couple days, left him with dad a couple. That was OK. Slowly getting back into things. Then this week daycare started and I was REALLY back to work. Sad to say that there are still issues that continue to make me verystressed at work. My team seams to think very little of my return. I feel like I am doing my best and my bosses are fine with my performance. So still contemplating choices, but going to take advice above- no major decisions right now. Give some more time to see if things settle. Guilt is a powerful feeling.
Hopefully I will learn soon my best role to be in, the best compromise as a director and a mom!
Hi – I’ve been back at work for about a month and a half now, initially 2 days a week and now 3 days. It’s going pretty well – I feel like I’m doing the right thing by providing for our family and I enjoy my time with the little guy more. Even though I have back to back meetings and calls most days (minus pumping breaks!) I find being at work strangely relaxing – I don’t take adult conversation over a coffee for granted anymore!
Of course there are times when I feel completely overwhelmed and almost resign on the spot…like when I had hours of budget calls in the evening last week plus friends staying with us (with a three year old) and I couldn’t get the little guy to sleep! But I always get through the hard times and it’s getting easier to cope.
My first business trip away from the baby is coming up this week and I’m definitely nervous about how daddy will do on his own…
Hope all is going well for you.
I am really glad your transition back to work is working out ok for the most part.
I am not struggling with my work but more with my co-workers. I almost feel like they think I don’t “belong” anymore. I am really struggling with the 4 12 hour days and get really tired. But I seem to have the support of my employers.
I had a three day conference out of state and I made dad take off from work to come along. It worked out amazingly well, I was able to step out and feed on breaks and he did really well with the hotel stay and long car ride.
Hoping you continue to find relaxation and happiness at work and at home, as continue to work through the emotion and find the right balance!
I will be going to work soon for the first time, leaving my 9 month old daughter, 3 year old daughter, and 5 year old son. I have been feeling guilty, especially with friends who get to stay home and spend all day with their kids and don’t mind flaunting that fact. I’m glad I found this site full of mothers who work and have to go through leaving their children. Glad to know I’m not alone. How do you deal with the guilty feelings on the more difficult days?
I struggle too, but on bad days I take a minute to look at pictures or videos, and remind myself that only have x hours until I pick him up and he is all mine for the evening.
Great article! I really relate on feeling excited to return to work to have some “me time” and to feel productive on projects…but that glow has faded and I’m currently trying to figure out what’s best. I’ve been back to work for about 4 months. I’m actually working on developing an e course for moms returning to work, it’s such a tender time and connecting with other moms and knowing that there’s no one right answer really helped me get through, I want to be able to offer that to other mamas!
Love this article. Although my son is not a baby anymore he’s 3 I’ve been in school for the past 9 months from Monday to Friday 4 hours a day. I can’t help but think that when I get out in the field I will miss my son terribly. I’ve worked part time since he was born but that was only for 3 days a week, now I’m getting into the medical field full time and I get depressed thinking about being away from not only my son but my husband. then on the other hand I’m ready to contribute in making an income so my husband is not stuck with the expenses all the time. I guess I’ll have to give it my all like I’ve been doing and see where it takes me from there.
My LO has just turned two. I’m going back to full-time work early in Jan next year. I’m truly grateful I managed to be with him during the past two years as my sister and many other mothers don’t/didn’t have that luxury but I’m still sad about not being there when he learns new words and has new experiences. We enjoy each other’s company like we are best friends plus he prefers my garlic bread to our fave restaurant’s. I just don’t want him to forget me…
Thank you for writing this. I love being on leave with my LO but I have to admit that I miss working – I like working and providing for my family. But when I tell others that Im excited to go back you’d think I have three heads. It makes me feel like I’m being shamed for feeling that way and it’s just not fair. I’m saving this article and reading it again when I go back in 6 weeks. It will remind me that I’m not alone in feeling this way and there is a way to have both.
It disturbs me a little that as you think of the tough mommy moments, such as when your baby is crying or spitting up or just generally fussy, it brings you happiness knowing that you get to escape that by being at work. That is your baby. And while you are at work having your adult time, someone else is drying your child’s tears, comforting & loving on your child with hugs. There are some women who have to work & leave their children every day due to financial circumstances that would love to stay home if they could. I am fortunate to stay home with my daughter & I thank God for those tough mommy moments because it means I am there to have them. Anyone that can afford to stay home & chooses not to is doing a great disservice to their child. It isn’t anyone else’s responsibility to raise your child. Children should feel they are more important than your career…if you’re stir crazy, find a hobby.
Your note above disturbs me as it lacks perspective. The best mommy is a happy mommy – for some, that means staying at home; for others, that means going back to work. Some women enjoy the personal fulfillment of having a career and contributing to the financial security of their family (in the current economy, there are many good reasons for having a dual income regardless of how much money your partner makes). Many women are happy in the knowledge that they are providing good care for their children while they are at work – which can have social and educational advantages for their children over home care – and feel they are personally ensuring that their children will have the best lives possible.
I loved your response Sabrina. It is really time to stop the mommy wars. Every child and every mother are different. Their needs are different and are met in different ways. If you are a stay at home mother, that is fantastic. If you are a working mom, that is fantastic. Being one or the other doesn’t determine how good of a mother you are or are going to be.
My husband’s mother was a stay at home mom who found a whole host of hobbies which always took precedent over her entire family. He went without shoes and clothing to pay for her hobbies, he never had dinner before 9pm (if he had it at all), and he didn’t even have a bedtime. His childhood was chaotic and he lacked many other basic child care needs. You can find stories like from SAHM and WM alike because being a good mother only depends on what you put into your family, not where you pass the day.
The most important thing is the child is being is well loved and cared for and both types of moms can achieve this. There are plenty of studies and facts that prove children of working moms (except in some cases where the mother has a very high stress job) do not have any detrimental effects compared to children of stay at home moms! And just because you have a career and are fortunate enough to love it, doesn’t mean you don’t love your child more. What a hurtful, untrue and rash thing to assume.
Thank you so much for this post Stephanie! It is a wonderful support to all the mommies going or who are back at work! I enjoyed reading your article so much and felt great comfort from it. Wishing you and Peachy all the best! To all you mommies here: trust your heart and as Stephanie says “Be kind to yourself”! You are wonderful!
Brandi – thanks for chiming in. I will say that your comment made me sad. Not because it made me second guess my decisions to be a working mom – I’m pretty confident there. But because our goal at WMAG is to provide a community of support and encouragement to working moms. Many of our moms are making the difficult transition back to work and struggling with that transition. So to come to our place of positivity and encouragement and say things that could hurt another mom’s feelings – well, in the words of my 19 month old…”not nice.”
I’m glad that you enjoy staying home and that being a SAHM works for your family. Being a working mom works best for mine. That’s not a discussion, argument, or opinion. It’s simply a statement. There’s no need to weigh in on what you think about it – I assure you I won’t change my mind because of you.
Sabrina and Mrs. Jo – thank you for your thoughtful comments. You reinforce why WMAG is such a great community of supportive women.
I just had my first baby dec. 15, 2013. In a few weeks I go back to work as a preschool teacher. As an educator to a very important age group I can tell u that it is good to have that separation for both u and your baby. I know it won’t be easy not to be his full time caregiver, but I know he will thrive in the infant program at his preschool. So yes separation anxiety is completely normal, after all what kind of moms would we be if we didn’t miss our babies a little, but take comfort in knowing whatever decisions u make are always with your babies in mind. Good luck and treasure every moment.
So glad this conversation is still ongoing-I am at a breaking point and really don’t know who to turn to for advice?? I literally googled ‘struggling with going back to work after baby,’ and here I am.
My daughter is 10 months. I knew in my gut, even before returning to work that I just DIDN’T WANT TO GO! Pre-baby, I never knew that I would feel that way. I thought, I’ll just have this baby, give her over to child care when I work and voila, done! How naive I was!
I do like my job (most days) and am fortunate to have a fairly “easy” schedule. I work 3-10 hour shifts and do have M & F with my LO. However, I find myself and my schedule spinning out of control. I spend my days off trying to catch up at home and feel like I’m ignoring my baby. When I’m at work, I feel like I cannot get my work done in 3 days as opposed to the 4 that I used to work. I am stressed to the max and do not want to go on feeling this way. I want to be able to commit fully to one part of my life or the other.
If we really strapped down, we may be able to make it work on one salary but I just don’t see that being great for our marriage, house hunt, etc. Am I just stuck? I am indeed battling with all encompassing guilt. Any suggestions on how how to help me get through this? Thanks in advance!
Stickthatinyourpotandcookit – I’d love to hear how you got on over the last 18months? I’m in exactly the same boat as you – same thoughts and concerns about returning to work and the disadvantages of not going back. I have to speak with work this afternoon to negotiate a part time return (3 instead of 5 days). Very apprehensive, even if they accept.
Wow, just as many already said – this is just what I needed to hear! Today is my third day back to work and while I feel at ease leaving my baby (since my mom is watching her) I couldn’t help but to wonder if I was doing the right thing. Since my baby was due early January I decided to leave work mid-December only giving me 8 weeks with my baby after she was born. I wish I could’ve had at least one more month with her but FMLA only allows for 12 wks off work. I was also very hopeful that my boss would offer me to work from home 1 or 2 days out the week but that wasn’t the case 🙁
I returned to work in August, after trying really hard, I finally faced the facts; this situation isn’t working for us at all. Every day was a battle, if not multiple battles. I wore down fast. Then I started looking for another job. I luckily found one. I no longer have to commute, I have significantly less responsibility and stress. I have to work only 32 hours a week now. With the reduced hours and 10 minute drive instead of 1hour 10 minute commute, I have a minimum of 16 extra hours a week with my family. Oh the balance is so much closer now- I can work and support AND be a mom at home. So my advice is: don’t fight it, listen to your heart and momma gut instinct. Do what is right for you – right now. I am so much happier with more time as a mom and I don’t miss the director title at all!
This is all so very helpful!! I have been back to work for almost 3 months now and it hasn’t gotten any easier. I eased back into work by working 4 days a week the 1st month. Now I’m back to working 5 days a week, and the 5th day is always so hard for me! I find myself in tears on my drive into work on that 5th day. It just pushed me over the edge from feeling like I had a balance between motherhood and work – to now feeling like work is taking over. I can’t help but feel like my baby is bonding with my child care provider more than me! I keep calculating the idea of working only 4 days vs 5 but it doesn’t work financially. I never thought it would be this hard. I thought I could have a baby and be back to work with no issues – not the case at all! It’s very reassuring to know other working moms are feeling this way too. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one feeling so down. 🙁
I love this! My little guy is 2 & 1/2…there are still days I wish I could be home with him but I am grateful to have a full-time job that allows the flexibility for me to be (as you said) never the first in the office & usually the first out 🙂 Finding the balance is tough, I love to spend time with my family as much as possible…its great to have support of other moms & an understanding of the struggle!
Thank you for this! Fortunately I’ve been able to spend a lot of time at home with my son, and/or taking him to work with me! But I will be going to work full time without him soon, and I’m having such a hard time with it! I love having him with me every day all day, and I hate thinking that I’m missing out on SO much of his life while I’m at work, but In reality I know we both need that time apart! I’m a single mom so it’s hard to leave him when I feel like he’s all that I have! (Not true, but his only parent) we crave them more than they crave us! Lucky them! 🙂 thank you again for making me feel like I’m not alone and crazy! 🙂
Thank you so much for creating this site. I am a new mother with an established career. I truly love the work I do, but I’m struggling with the thought of leaving my son in daycare 9 hrs a day starting April 1st. I know the transition from maternity leave to work will be very hard on me.
Hi there,
I really needed to see this today. I’ve been back to work for 4 months now and have still spent the morning crying! Obviously I don’t cry every morning but every day is hard 🙁 Mainly because I torture myself thinking my baby will love our nanny more than her loves me or that he will begin to need her like he needs me. I don’t know, does this ever happen? My own mother never had to work so I don’t know how it is for the babies or children, Its killing me. Thanks for advice
Thank you for this! My daughter is 4 months old and I have been back at work for a month. I loved being back at first, but it’s getting harder. Fridays make me cry because I just want to be home with the baby. I just got home, and it’s crazy, but it seemed like my daughter was happier with the nanny than with me-giggling and smiling with her. Breaks my heart. I cried. Ugh this gets easier? I love my career but love being with her too!
I go back to work next week after my third child and it doesn’t get any easier! Thank you for this post and thanks to everyone for their helpful and supportive comments. I’m surrounded by SAHMs who try not to be judgy but I can feel it just the same. Glad to feel the support here.
Thank you so much for this article. It was what i really needed. I started back to work last week after my third kid. No it doesn’t get easier. My oldest got pneumonia so I have been home my whole second week back. My boss expected that I would come back the same person and get as much done as before. I just need to remember to give myself time to adjust. Thank you for your honesty.
Thank you so much for this post! I go back to work in four days, my little one is 7 weeks old, my first baby at that and I have been endlessly googling articles and mom forums looking for helpful advice as to transitioning back into a work/home routine. I think my biggest fear is going back into a depression. I had a very bad postpartum depression after I had her and it makes me very nervous that it will happen again. So thank you for this advice, I think out of every post so far I have found this one most rewarding. It is a great thing to know I am not the only one who is struggling.
Returning to work soon & already struggling with the void I will feel from not raising my lil’boy all day. (Yes, we get time apart I’m not a psycho mom!)
All the highs & lows my son will be experiencing with a daycare employee (I respect the position so please don’t misunderstand the statement)
– The bonding that should be taking place with me the parent those 9 crucial hours out of each week day, only for me the parent to spend 5hrs each day with him if I’m lucky.
– The life skills that will be taught those 9 hrs by someone else.
My heart is in agony, I don’t want to miss out on these things with him.
Tons of people say it gets easier, I say how can it… You can’t re-teach him how to say his ABC’s or rewind and listen to his laughter when he catches a ball.
How to cope … I’m not sure there is away…you must become numb to it I suppose?
Thank you so much for posting this article. My little guy was born in October and I have been back to work since Feb. I am lucky as a teacher because I have a lot of time off. I can’t wait for my students to be in regular school so that they are on the same schedule as me. These first few years are tough! I cry almost every day after leaving him at daycare, thinking about him yearning for me when I leave. It certainly is hard to wear two hats, and articles like these help get me through. I don’t want to simply become numb to it!
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If you are from one of those royal families of the Middle East, then this discussion is going to be of no interest for you. For others, earning money online has always been in the wish list. In today’s world, almost everybody is looking to earn some money in their spare time, working from their homes. There may be variety of options, but not too many really beats Online surveys in flexibility or intellectual satisfaction. Online surveys, especially paid online surveys, have become very popular with the people coming from different background mainly because of its various advantages. With Internet being available to everybody, online surveys are viable options for those who cannot live their home due to various constraints.
The advent of the Internet has drastically changed the way this world lives, conducts business, and expands its social life. It has also changed the way we have dreamt of our professional careers. Just a couple of decades back, a work-from-home job profile was practically inexistent. But then, with Internet came a lot of newer opportunities, and online paid surveys is perhaps the best among them.
If you are not employed with a firm, you are perhaps in the business of doing business. And any business will invariably require an upfront investment. The new genre of online job profiles has broken away from this scenario. With activities like online surveys, you can be self employed without locking in investment. This is perhaps one of the most important factors that make online surveys a particularly irresistible one for most of us.
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Fantastic post; thank you. I needed to read this. I’m back at work next week after Hong Kong’s very short mat leave and I have mixed feelings. High five to all the working mummies out there ! Just remember, we’re going to work so that we can fill our babies’ bellies and send them to the best schools and buy them the best books and clothes possible 🙂 Warmest regards.
I am returning to work in 4 weeks and since I’ve done this twice before I know it gets easier, but it is hard and emotional every time. I know I would not make a good full-time stay at home mom, but I wish financially we could make it on a part-time schedule. I work 6:30am-5pm 8 days in a row and then I’m off 6 days in a row. I feel like I get to experience the best of both worlds that way but I am worried about splitting the limited evening time between 3 kids, hubby and household chores. I’m glad I found this post. It helps to be reminded that I’m not lone in my feelings.
This morning I am having a rough time. I have an almost 3 month old and I have been back to work for a month now. Being back to work has been difficult in the fact that I miss him tremendously. This morning as I sat here crying I decided to look up something to help and found this article. I have always been a work a holic working two or more jobs. Keeping busy and always on the go was my thing. I loved it. Having my little one I knew things would change, but I didn’t know how much. I need the work, I cannot stay home I need more too, but I want to be there for my child. I feel like I am missing out. Thank you for writing this article. I know it is a bit older, but it helps. My favorite part was getting to the section about the author…we have two rescue pugs, one of which is also named Meatball. 🙂 this whole article made me cry and feel better at the same time. I thank you very much!!
Thank you for writing this article! I go back to work next week after a 12 week leave and I’m already a wreck about it. This article speaks to my soul. I’ve always worked and didn’t realize how hard it would be to return to the job after baby. I feel tremendous guilt about leaving him in day care everyday, but unfortunately, I can’t afford to stay home full time. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who feels this way. Thank you, again.
Hi everyone, so grateful to Stephanie for starting this place to get and offer support for each other. It is 5:17 am here and could not sleep because I am having such a hard time thinking about returning to work in a few weeks. I will write more later but just wanted to give a big shout out of love and support to everyone who has written here. You are not alone. I have gone over returning to work about a million times in my head and just seem to come to same conclusion–that keeping my income is the best thing long-term for my child. And I will do my very best to give him the best quality time at home. Will be back, love to you all!
Great post, thank you so much!!!
Today is my second day back to work, and I as browsing Google for some encouraging words away from my guilty thoughts, I lived your post and thank you so so much. My baby girl will be 2 moths old in 2 days and I have such a strong separation anxiety. I was ready to make some irrational decisions, which would not been good long term. Thanks to your post I will be gentle and have some patience. thank you so much!
This is my fourth day at work and when I leave my baby I feel sad but I tell myself to shake it off because I need the money even though half of it is going to the nanny 🙁 towards the end of the day I feel very happy thinking I get to see my beautiful baby (she is 7 weeks) but as soon as she hears my voice she starts crying and crying. There is nothing that I have not tried to help my baby she just keeps crying and I start crying with her I feel so sad that the only side of her I get to see is the upset and sad baby. Yesterday I was told by the caregiver that she Eats, plays, and sleeps fine during the day and that she started to laugh but I missed it; I wanted to see her first laugh. I feel so left behind when I get home and I start noticing how she is growing and changing. I want to quit but yet again I need the money. But what I want to do the most is change her diapers, clean her puke, comfort her when she is crying, stare at her while she sleeps (she is so beautiful lol) feed her, and hug and kiss her a lot but she won’t let me do that because she is fussy and upset when I get home. I am glad I found this article because I felt that no one could understand me, my family and friends keep telling me that it will pass but they don’t understand that I only got 6 weeks of her life that I got to spend with her 24/7 and she won’t remember me.
I was grateful to find this site as I am 5 months pregnant with my first child and this issue is constantly on my mind. I am 43 years old, have been working at my firm for over 10 years and have just hit the six figure threshold this year. Much of my salary is a result of gradual raises, tons of hard work/ long hours and adaptability as the firm has grown over the years. Much of my experience is tailored to what the firm needs. I have seen the staff turn over 3 times or more in my time here. Although I have gained a wealth of experience in my field, I could not walk out the door and find another job with the same salary. The job can be highly stressful and I commute an hour and 35 minutes each way into and out of Manhattan with a nine hour work day in between. I would really like to breastfeed and I’ve looked into daycare but with the hours I’m pulling, even if I could reduce them some (which I have not gotten to the negotiation point yet,) this all seems impossible. Already I’m on the train for an hour and change plus walking to and from the office with my backpack and lunch box and now I’d be carting along a pump as well, trying to somehow manage a shorter work day while finding time to take breaks to pump, then rushing to get home to the baby. Can I even pump enough milk for all the feeding times I wont be there for? My fiancé would be able to pick him up but I would have to do the drop off in the morning (due to his hours) so my baby would be in day care from 645am till about 4 or 5pm, depending on when fiance’s day finishes, which can really vary. My fiancé makes a little more than half of what I make and he works two jobs. What I really want to do is stay home. I do not love my job at all or feel that I would be bored as a mom, as I have waited my whole life for this experience. I feel this terrible guilt, however, of having my fiancé work two jobs while I stay home and we live bare bones and eat up our savings. I think about finding another job with less hours, closer to home, but daycare costs $18K a year so can I even break even after taxes? Then there’s health insurance. If I don’t make a decision within 30 days of the baby being born, then the “life event” enrollment time expires and my kid has no health insurance, weather it comes from my job, my fiancé’s job or the open market. In the ten years I’ve worked at my firm, only one other woman has had babies and she comes from a large family, has a husband that does well and has two nannies for her 4 children. Does she even need to work? I dunno, I am not judging. All the men here who have had babies, their wives stay home now. My parents are both dead and fiancés family lives out of state so it’s pretty much all up to us. I want to move out of state too! We have considered how expensive NY is but then we worry about the unknown factor of finding jobs someplace else. I’d like to take our savings and buy a house cheaper someplace else rather than just burn it up staying here. I know I’ve got time to figure this out but I constantly worry. I know I should be grateful for everything I have saved because I’ve saved and saved but you know, once the paycheck stops coming, that savings can burn up quick. I want to give my kid a good life but if I am miserable wreck still commuting in and out of Manhattan then what kind of mom am I going to be? A friend told me that the baby can sense your emotions and I want to love and bond with my baby, not have animosity in any way. But then again, the guilt of staying home and not bringing in a paycheck when I have been the main breadwinner all these years (14 years with fiancé). But we only get one life. I don’t have, want or need expensive things only some security that we can manage the normal expenses of live. I want to quit this job and kinda wing in, thinking I’ll just have to find a way, but will I regret giving up the best job I’ve ever had or ever hope to have? I had another job before this for 5 years, also commuting to Manhattan. I’m tired of it, it’s worn on me. This is such a difficult choice. I hope I make the right one.
I left my baby when she was 6 weeks old and went back to work. It was hard as I missed her so much but I kept telling myself that I had to do this for her future. I do not get paid as much but is enough to get by 🙁 My baby is now 3 months old and she is doing great. My advice is to try to fine a babysitter who will come to your home and take care of the baby. You will feel much better knowing that your baby is at home comfortable. There are places online were you can get a babysitter and they do criminal checks and all that sort of things. Also the rate can range from $10-$16 an hour. At least try everything and if you still feel you can’t at least you won’t feel guilty . Breastfeeding I did it for two months nonstop while I was on maternity leave than when I went back to work I did formula during the day and breastfeeding during the night and its working for me as I don’t have time to pump with all the things moms do and on top of that work. P.s. The hardest part is when baby is born to 3 or 4 months after that it gets a bit easier.
Hello,
I have been a Stay-At-Home Parent since 2002. Three of my children were born premature and I felt as if I had no choice but to resign from my job to take care of them. After my children were all in school, I had decided to go back to college. Wow…It is a real competition out there. I was either going to land a job that allowed me to demonstrated my skills and worth or be creative. This means taking charge of my life and be my own manager. In the pursuit of job hunting, I am utilizing my time in other ways.
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My name is Isabella, i am from USA i had little issues with my husband and he left home after we had quarrels, i miss him so very much. I have tried to reconcile with him but he went ahead to settle down with another lady who have been trying to still him away from me, she work in the same office with him.I told my friend about what i was going through and she said i don’t need to worry that there is powerful Priest who can help me prepare a spell to bring him back to me without much delay. I contacted Priest Ajigar and in just 4 days he really help me, we are back together again and also the kids are happy that their father is back home. I am so happy and would also advice you to contact his through his email: (priestajigarspells @ live . com) i have experience his powerful spell is so real and genuine.
I am just going to say this: the maternity leave in the United States is sick, sick, sick. Asking people to leave a six week old infant is horrific. Employers should be ashamed. Other countries have more generous maternity leave and you know what? They are all doing JUST FINE economically. Clearly it is possible. Women should not be afraid to stand up and say that is NOT ACCEPTABLE. I’m not bashing working moms. I’m bashing the system and calling for change!!!
There is no easy answer and the debate is never ending on what is the best way out. Here are my two cents on this.
https://incognitotalesblog.wordpress.com/2016/08/12/10-tips-for-working-mothers/
Thanks for writing this! I really needed to hear this today for I go back to work tomorrow after 4 months at home with my son. I don’t want to take him to daycare, I don’t want to miss his smiles during the day, I want to be there for him when he’s sad or sick. Unfortunately I have to work, we can’t afford for me to stay home. So I’m hoping with time I’ll adjust and feel at peace with this situation.
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Wow Stephanie, some really amazing information here for mothers. It is so hard seeing the amount of women who do not receive proper maternity leave or care during their pregnancy. But I am really glad you have given women the proper information to deal with the recovery of their childbirth. This is a time in which women should be able to relax and enjoy the days of motherhood. Babies should receive all the care they need not only for proper health but for accurate growth. A baby needs it’s mother the first couple of months, these are valuable and important roles to the development of a child. The rest for a mother is also important mentally and physically. I really enjoyed reading your blog it is an inspiration to all mother’s and future mother’s.
Hi Stephanie,
I read many blog posts but rarely feel compelled to write a comment post read, however your blog just changed all that! Thank you for sharing! Although posted in 2013, and now August 2016, I was searching for guidance while my treasured 4 month old sleeps in my arms, (amazingly I never knew I could operate most of my day one handed since I had a baby 4 months ago) and thanks to google up popped your blog! I live in the EU so my maternity leave is more generous than the US for example, but I am worried how I will return to my work life. Pre baby, I was the text book high flying career work horse, addicted to the buzz I got from solving work challenges & leading a winning team and dealing with all the conflict that comes with managing people. Although I’m not due to return to work for a few more months yet, I am apprehensive about the transition, my biggest fear being will I be marginalised now i am a working Mom with less time for the long hours?
I am still very ambitious but fear I will be bypassed for future promotions now that I have a baby. I was so naive thinking maternity leave would be all snuggles and ladies who lunch, so as bad as it may sound to some, I am looking forward to returning to work. Albeit it felt so strange visiting the office to introduce my baby, Amost like i didn’t belong there anymore. Did you or anyone ever feel like this? My circumstances do mean I have to return to work but financial commitments aside, I have always known I don’t have the make up to be a stay at home Mom and I commend all women who do, now that I know it’s the hardest job going! Your straightforward and honest advice was so welcomed & thanks again for sharing.
I know I’ll heed the advice not to make any big decisions until i am back at work etc…but I have a feeling I’ll be making some changes and not understating how big a transition it will be.
I so love this article ! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. They are very valuable and helpful to first time moms like me, very inspiring too…
It was never that glamorous… That’s what makes the difference.
It was good but not better than present. Otherwise why would someone even want to be a mom.
Right? Here’s what I think can help moms return successfully to work after maternity leave.
Pleasure to find such positive and encouraging advice from many mums. I am lucky enough to have the advantage of a good maternity pay and leave in the UK and am due to return to work in March 2017. However, already the thought of this is a daunting one. I teach and suffer with anxiety and depression. My employer in fact is discouraging me from returning to work saying that I would be better suited to part-time work. However, I love the school and children and don’t want the extra hassle of meeting new people whilst juggling work-life etc. I am determined to make this work…if down the line it doesn’t work, I could always resign knowing I have done my best. Any advice? Thank you for this blog!
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I needed this today. What an excellent post and thank you! I’m on day 3 back to work. My older child is 4 and was sick all night. My baby is 13 weeks and stopped sleeping 3 nights ago. Hubby has been home this week so the full grind truly starts next week, although this is a little much fit both of us. I work a challenging career with a good title and respect, in a male-dominated industry, so I also feel like I need to be mentally 100%, and I’m just not there yet, much less with the last three days of sleep deprivation. My boss has been great but I’m just finding it difficult to be fully “on” right now. I remind myself I had a baby just 3 months ago, which is such a life altering event for the whole family. I miss my baby but staying home is not for me. We also need the income so it’s not an option anyway. Any advice on how to transition mentally?
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I consider myself to be very lucky I am due back at work in 3.5 months after 11 months off and will be going back 32.5 hours/ 4 days a week . I’m in complete turmoil about going back to work we could just about survive financially without my income but it would put a lot of strain on my partner who is self-employed . My mum returned to work after having me we have a great relationship and I never remember my childhood without her around but I can’t help thinking will my baby wonder ‘why is mummy leaving me ‘ , willit change her lovely disposition not having me around , it’s truly heartbreaking. Good to read I’m not the only mummy feeling like this . ? X
Your advise is true no matter where you work, the job you do or the people that you work with. Thank you!
I had a problem with my Husband 3 months ago he was having an affair with a friend of mine that happens to be my best friend, i was so sad that i never knew what to do next, during my search for a way out, i came across this Email Dr_mack@yahoo. com, i never believed in spiritual stuff, i thought it will not work for me but to my surprise i got positive results and i was able to get my Husband back from my so called friend, if you are having a similar problem contact DR.MACK and your problems shall be solved?
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Thank you so much for writing this article. I felt so good after reading this.
This is my second time reading this, once before I returned to work after a 13-week mat leave, and now, after I’ve been back for a week. I have a successful career that I love and always knew I needed to work for the intellectual stimulation, but I’ve been overwhelmed by how painful it is to be separated from my baby. It’s good to hear your perspective and remember that there are other women who struggle with the same conflict that I do, and that it does get easier. Your comment about how we remember full-time childcare as more glamorous than it is is spot on.
My fiancé left me a few months ago, but after I emailed.[dr_mack201@gmail. com] my relationship was restored…
My fiancé left me a few months ago, but after I emailed.[dr.mack201@gmail. com] my relationship was restored…
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I have been on maternity leave with my 3rd bubba for a year and instead of going back to my old employer of 10 years I scored an awesome new job with a $20k payrise at a company that has won awards for its attractiveness to its employees. I start in 2 weeks and I can’t sleep! I am so anxious about it i have had to start taking anti-depressant tablets in case it spirals out of control. it is such a great opportunity but i just dont know if i can pull it off with 3 kids. my head is spinning. i would rather pull the plug now than start and not be able to manage it and have to quit while i’ve started working there.
any advice? i dont HAVE to work but i also dont want to be a stay at home mum. thinking i should give myself a little more time as my 3rd baby is only 9 months old….
THank you for this article. Even though I know I’m not the only one going through this, it’s nice to see it in black and white, especially after spending the last hour crying because I didn’t make it home in time to read my 3 month old a bedtime story. . I’m wrapping up my first week back to work after my first baby. My husband and I are fortunate to have flexible schedules so she’s always with one of us but sadly it also means me missing storytime a few nights a week…and frankly right now I don’t want to miss anything. The transition is hard and I’ve shed a lot of tears this week, but it’s nice to hear that it will get easier.
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