By Cozetta Lagemann
As a mom of three young and incredibly amazing kids, I want to make sure they grow up to love themselves in a way that I never learned myself. My sense of self esteem had to be learned and cultivated as I became an adult.
For whatever reason(s), I just missed the boat on how to love and appreciate myself. This led to countless mistakes and painful decisions that quite possibly may have been avoided had I learned early on just how awesome and worthy I am as an individual.
Now, I wouldn’t want to miss out on the priceless lessons that came from the life I’ve led, but my hope as a mom is to help guide my children down a different and less painful path, if possible.
I’ve turned my life’s work and career into helping other moms learn how to love themselves. They, in turn, can show their children how to do the same, while they’re young and able to really absorb the lessons instead of having to learn it all firsthand later on in life.
My theory is that if you grow up learning how to love yourself and feeling safe and loved in your environment, you’ll grow to be a happy, healthy, kind, compassionate and loving adult. When the world is filled with people that feel that way, we’ll see more compassion and kindness on a much grander scale. I don’t know about you, but I absolutely want to live in world like that.
Through years of observing and noticing what works best for me and my kids, I’ve come up with a list of my top five ways to teach your children how to love themselves.
1. Make them feel important.
When your kids want to talk to you, put aside what you’re doing, look them in the eye and be genuinely interested in what they’re talking about. It may only take a minute or two for the entire conversation, but it will make such a positive lasting impression for them. The last thing you want is for them to feel that your iPhone is more important than they are.
Also, say “I love you” all the time. No, it won’t lose its effect if you use it multiple times throughout the day. Make sure that they never doubt that you love them. Even when they get a bit older and they seem like they’re sick of hearing it, they’re not. Keep saying it.
Another pointer: When talking to friends or relatives, I know it can be easy to vent about the latest trouble your mini-me’s may have gotten into. Try to focus on the good, and make sure they overhear you praising and speaking highly of them.
2. Give them opportunities to stretch outside of their comfort zone.
If they normally like to take dance classes, encourage a soccer camp or music lessons. Letting your kids see that there’s little to be afraid of when trying new things will give them the confidence to make this a lifelong habit. Who knows? This could encourage them to do a stint with Americorps or travel to foreign countries as young adults. These enriching experiences, paired with the confidence to pull it off will result in more self-love.
3. Show them how to give to others.
When you give to others, whether with time or material things, you experience such a beautiful feeling. You feel warm and connected to others. You realize that those you are helping are important and worthy. In turn, you’ll feel the same for yourself.
This shouldn’t just be delegated to the holiday season, either. Make it last throughout the year. I know life gets busy, but try to gently prioritize your life. What’s truly important to you? Not to everyone else, but to you. This will help you find time for the things that you want to do and experience.
4. Encourage your children to see their strengths.
What are they really good at? The skills and strengths that we all possess are not necessarily traditional or obvious. You may have to dig a little to find those original and unique little nuggets, but once you do, you start to notice all of the areas that a particular strength comes in handy. It’s pretty cool, actually. Do this activity together, find your own strengths as well. Help each other out if you need to. That can be a really nice bonus, too.
5. Show them by example.
Take time for yourself, away from your responsibilities. Eat healthy foods. Spend time with positive and uplifting people. Speak highly of yourself and others. Cultivate a satisfying hobby. Exercise. Drink lots of water. Cultivate a positive mindset towards yourself and life in general.
Children learn by example. We can tell them to do these things over and over but if they see us living in a way that contradicts our advice, they won’t be nearly as likely to take it on for themselves. Not only that, but you’ll be a happier mama overall, and have so much more energy to spend on numbers 1-4 above.
I hope these tips help you to encourage and teach your children to love themselves. The sky is the limit when we already feel great about ourselves, and I definitely want my children to be able to be, do and become anything they want. I want them to experience amazing things in life and not be held back by limiting beliefs about themselves.
Cozetta Lagemann is a Board Certified Health and Life Coach. She is incredibly passionate about helping other moms take excellent care of themselves so they can raise healthy, happy future adults. She would love to hear from you, so please drop her a line at www.ifmamaainthappy.net.
10 thoughts on “Teaching Self Esteem to Kids: How to Love Yourself”
I can honestly say that I was raised in the exact opposite to your 5 suggestions – thus explaining my lack of self love for so many years for sure! In fairness to my parents, they did the best they could under the circumstances we were in and focusing on empowering their kids was not even on the radar. When I raised my own kids, it was a challenge because I had nothing really to go by so had to make a concerted effort in the seemingly small things that others may find comes naturally and easily. Thanks for this post, I hope all parents read it and learn from it…
Thanks for sharing your experience, Susan. It’s never too late to start treating yourself with kindness and encouraging others to do the same.
This is another great article! I don’t have kids so I can’t say I’ve raised them to be this way, but I will 🙂
Thanks for sharing!
Thanks, Lianne. I think the world would be a better place if we all got more help loving ourselves.
Love your children unconditiohally and they will grow up to love themselves.
You cannot teach a child to have high self-esteem. You can only create a loving, nurturing environment at home for your children to observe.
Wish I could have read this article..too many ads kept moving the words…sad 🙁