You Know You’re Getting Old When…

I turned 33 last week — or “one-third of a century,” as my dad pointed out — and have lately been thinking about how I’m getting old. It’s a thought that’s popped into my head now and then, pretty much since I had my first child. But here I am, a one-third-of-a-centenarian, and the thought has been popping up more often.

Here are a few of the old-person red flags (see if any of these sound familiar):

  • I get pissed at the young hooligans hanging around the playground when I bring my kids there to play. I’m particularly annoyed at their smoking, cursing, texting and sullen looks. Kids these days! No respect.
  • My 95-year-old grandma sends me jokey birthday cards about how we’re both old ladies now, ha-ha. What???
  • The thought has crossed my mind that a van might be a good vehicle for us to have. A van!
  • Going out past 10 p.m. seems unthinkable to me.
  • When I’m around young folks (you know, in their 20s), I refer to TV shows only to learn they’ve never seen or heard of them. (WKRP in Cincinnati, One Day at a Time, The A-Team, to name a few.)
  • I find myself bending over quite frequently and exclaiming, “Oh, my aching back!” It really hurts, ever since I birthed that last baby.
  • I’m really, really envious of retired people.

So there you have it. I’m on my way to becoming an A.P. (Aged Parent). What the hell?

8 thoughts on “You Know You’re Getting Old When…

  1. just4ofus says:

    OK I have to say you do sound a tad old here in this post. You are only as old or young as you let yourself be. (and I am older than you).

  2. Okay, the one about your grandma giving you old lady birthday cards cracked me up.


  3. Jensational says:

    I feel ya. We're the same age. I once told a youngun that Meredith Baxter Berney would play me in a lifetime movie and she was like "Who?" and I said "You know, the mom from Family Ties" and she said "What is that?" Sigh.

  4. Too funny! I totally agree with all of 'em. Thanks for the laugh! What recently made me feel old was having our first babysitter over to watch our daughter. I still vividly recall my own babysitting days so it was rather surreal!

  5. A couple of weeks ago, during lunch with some co-workers, I launched into some discussion of the whole Mackenzie Phillips/consensual incest revelation. Only 2 of the 4 people who I was talking to knew who she was, or what One Day at a Time Was. And when I referenced Valerie Bertenelli, they only knew her from Jenny Craig (not the show, other movies, Eddie Van Halen's wife). I'm old. But your grandma sending you old lady cards: hilarious!

  6. Okay, I know I'm only 27 (boo hiss) but seriously I'm feeling this right now too. My bf and cousin, Kat, and I had these discussions right before we turned 27 that we were on the up slope of getting old. Some of the things I notice are:
    When I listen to the radio and accidentally turn on KISS 107 fm, I'm quickly changing it b/c I don't even know the songs anymore. WTF, I used to jam to that station but now I seriously find myself listening to Oldies 103.5 and knowing most of the songs.
    Last observation, I'm yelling at kids in public. The other day I yelled at a kid for throwing his garbage in the street rather than the garbage can 2 feet away from him. What gives me the right to do this? I guess b/c I'm his elder I can yell at him (or at least that is what I told myself to justify).
    YIKES!! And your post was hilarious by the way!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.